I just finished my 4th lesson at the driving school. I can only say that learning to drive is making me a better person; hopefully a gentle Joy will emerge. Vivacious, spontaneous and fun-loving are words that describe me. Gentle, deliberate and careful do not. And yet it’s in me- I know because Gentleness is a fruit of God’s Holy Spirit who dwells in me. I just need to work it out.
Now my instructor has acquired a litany, a string of reminders he chants daily that goes something like this- “Don’t forget your foot on the accelerator. Remember to clutch down fully. Joy, concentrate. Don’t accelerate too much Joy! Change the gears gently. Don’t turn your steering so sharply. Don’t throw your foot off the clutch, remove it gradually…”
Sigh. It is well.
Today I finally got round to another thing I’ve been putting off- driving lessons. Gosh! I never imagined it was so complex. I kept forgetting my foot on the accelerator, trying to change gears without clutching down and looking too long in the mirror! At least I started and moved a car for the first time in my life. 🙂 I pray tomorrow will be better.
I’m not feeling great right now. For reasons I’m not fully aware of, i’ve been putting off tests to ascertain my blood group and genotype. Both my parents are O+ so I was pretty sure neither me nor my brothers could be anything else. I also concluded that my genotype was AA, for no reason at all than that I liked the genotype and thought it should be mine.
In previous serious relationships my partners had asked me what my genotype was, and when I said i didn’t know, they usually closed the conversation along the lines of “well, i’m AA so whatever…” so you see, it was never an issue until much later. Any way, i finally got round to having the tests done and while I was right about being O+, it also turns out i’m AS.
I can’t believe it. I can’t even take in what this means. Like, if things had been different I could have been this close to marrying an AS man I loved, who totally adored me, and then found out i’m AS too and then…? There is only one person on earth who could come close to understanding the full implication of this.
I can only say it’s been reckless of me not to have found out earlier. And I suppose i should be grateful i’ll not have to live with the pain of what could have been. But right now i’m in shock. Maybe i’ll feel better in the morning. Sheesh!!
There are so many voices telling us negative things about ourselves. Sometimes they are even the voices of loved ones. And as if to make things worse, circumstances may seem to confirm these things, at least at present.
At times like this, you should look to the Word of God, and remind yourself of what God says about you, because that’s the truth, and that is what matters. Let God’s Spirit light up your own spirit. Speak truth to yourself today.
I am wise. I am beautiful. I am worth my weight in gold.