Personal Leadership

Top Ten Resignation Mistakes People Make

Resignation is often a taxing and daunting process, one that in most cases is very emotionally charged. Therefore it is not surprising that employees are prone to certain common mistakes at this time. Here are some pitfalls to avoid when resigning from a job.

1. Resigning for the Wrong Reasons

This is one of the common ways people make a hash of their careers. Resigning as an emotional response can only lead to regret. The decision to resign should not be made on a whim. No matter the circumstances or aggravation, be sure to think things through with a calm mind, before making this move. Carefully clear your mind and have a reality check. Evaluate all your reasons for resigning before you decide conclusively. Also, you should never resign in order to leverage or negotiate a counter offer. It’s unprofessional.

2. Venting Grievances

Transferring negative emotions either verbally or in written form is a big no-no. Your letter of resignation will be one of the final documents in your personnel file, and will be among the first documents looked at when a prospective future employer calls to confirm references or if you ever reapply. Therefore, it is vital to keep it professional and business-like.

3. Destroying Good Character & Reputation

Burning bridges is a terrible mistake that will likely come back to haunt you in the future. It will not only cause bad feelings between you and your employer, but also ruin the good reputation you’ve worked hard to build, affect your ability to maintain good links with your colleagues, and cost you a good reference when you need it. It may feel great to spit in their face at the time, but it’s not worth risking your goodwill and continued success in your career and personal development for.

4. Being Unprepared for a Counter Offer

Companies don’t like to lose good staff. In many cases, a valued employee is given a counter offer when a resignation is received. Being unprepared for this may make you vulnerable to the lure of more money. Bear in mind that once you resign, your loyalty to your employer is in question, and that a counter offer is often just a way to keep you longer until a replacement is found. Furthermore, retracting an offer already made to a new employer will affect your integrity negatively.

5. Ignorance of Company Exit Policy

Failure to acquaint yourself with company exit policy may leave you in an embarrassing or difficult position. You will do well to find out how previous resignations were handled. Some companies will ask you to leave immediately once you give your resignation. This could pose a problem if you were unable to pick up your personal belongings or documents from your work area or clean up your personal files from your computer.

6. Unawareness of Company Compensation Policy

Your resignation may mean automatic forfeiture of specific benefits. Imminent bonuses, severance pay, holiday entitlements, insurance benefits, retirement accounts, and company stock contributions may be lost. Ensure you fully understand all contracts you have signed.

7. Not Considering Legal Counsel

If you are leaving for reasons that might require legal counsel, such as issues involving discrimination, harassment, safety and fraud, failure to consult an attorney before you submit a resignation or sign any documents may land you in a mess.

8. Tendering a Poorly Written Resignation Letter

While a good resignation letter can be brief and to the point; an outstanding letter of resignation accomplishes much more in that it leaves your current employer with a positive feeling about you and establishes a basis for positive references in the future. Personal remarks about your life and feelings should be left out of your resignation letter.

Even if you are leaving on bad terms, the urge to write negative or derogatory comments about the company, the job or your colleagues should be resisted. Instead, express appreciation for the job you held and the experience/knowledge you’ve gained. You can also highlight your most important contributions to the company. Be positive, and ensure that you state the effective resignation date clearly.

9. Not Preparing for the Resignation Meeting

This is a very crucial point in the resignation process, and even the most careful employees have been known to mess up at this stage. Whatever the reaction- congratulatory handshakes, guilt trips or blatant confrontational anger- your plan is to remain composed, courteous and professional at all times. So, think ahead what you are going to say and stick to it – don’t get derailed. Keep details of your future plans to yourself at this point, and end your meeting on a good note.

10. Slacking During the Final Days

The temptation to relax is often strong at this point; resist it. The value of your performance during your last few weeks should not be underrated. Ensure that you’ve completed any outstanding tasks, and prepare your hand-over notes properly. Let your manager know that you are being as co-operative as possible, and continue to give it your very best effort right up until the last minute you’re there. Also, assume that anything you say will get back to your employer, so be sure to tell curious colleagues exactly what you told the company. Your professional reputation and your integrity are at stake, and conflicting versions flying around will make you look like a liar.

Now you know. Resign with style!

Family Life

Joysuo: Of Reference Points and Married Sex

A few months ago, Pastor Ifeanyi Adefarasin was teaching us (Women to Women Seminar) about discipline in raising kids. We had talked about how important it was for children to keep their father’s authority in mind.

At this seminar, I learnt that when raising children, it is important to have a reference point for discipline. Pastor Ifeanyi told us how her little son misbehaved one day, and his father flogged him thoroughly. Why so hard? Reference point. So that tomorrow, “Daddy will flog you” will carry weight. When that child hears those words now, he behaves himself immediately. He knows what that means, he knows what daddy can do. That alone is enough for him to go years without getting a beating. The power of a reference point!

So, this was parenting class, but you know me…I was also thinking about . I’m addressing husbands because they are our heads and leaders. Does your wife know what you can do? Have you ever taken time to really, seriously pleasure her in an unforgettable way?

You know, that kind where her eyeballs roll back into her head and she’s gripping the sheets? Have you really, really done your wife? I think such a reference point is necessary too for couples. So that the next time you’re putting the moves on her, and she says not in the mood…

Enough said.


Marriage is honourable among all, the bed undefiled…Hebrews 13:4

Family Life, Spirituality

Joysuo: Twitter TL- Dr. Tony Rapu’s #MarriedMen

Yesterday was a wonderful day for many, not only because of the World Cup finale, but because of Dr. Tony Rapu’s Twitter TL.

Dr, Rapu is Senior Pastor of This Present House, Lekki, Lagos, and he posted a series of wonderful tweets with the hashtag #MarriedMen. People who are familiar with my ministry will understand why this was exciting for me. These tweets were a confirmation of things I’ve been saying- more delicious coming from a man though!

Here are a few of them:


Working on your marriage is also the man’s job.

Stroke your wife’s hair.

Don’t call your wife mummy. She is not your mum.

Read a book together with your wife. A book in the bible is a good idea.

Stop shouting at your wife. She can hear you.

Spend a weekend at a hotel with your wife.

The bible says your prayers will be bouncing back from the ceiling when you don’t treat your wife with respect (1 Peter 3:7)

Please leave your parents out of your marriage. She didn’t marry your father.

Your wife is not inferior and should not be made to feel so.

Be a spiritual leader not a spiritual dominator.


All we are saying…

See Dr. Tony Rapu’s TL for more nuggets of wisdom.

Marriage is to be enjoyed, not endured!



Myne Whitman of Romance Meets Life has published a post about Dr. Tony Rapu’s tweets for married men, and she has been so gracious as to storify the tweets so we’ll always have them. Awesome!

Fitness, Spirituality

Fitness Friday- Spiritual Workouts

I love power walks. Jogging used to be my favourite, and for a period my skipping rope and I were inseparable, but since I discovered power walking, nothing has been able to take its place.

The Bible tells us that physical exercise has value. However, it also tells us in that same verse, “but godliness is valuable in every way. It holds promise for the present life and for the life to come.” (1 Tim 4:8)

We are exhorted to exercise ourselves unto godliness. Your body won’t automatically get into shape and stay that way unless you train it, and neither will your inner man. So, pay attention to your spiritual fitness, otherwise you’ll be out of shape before you know it. That’s the default.

D.A Carson writes in For The Love of God:

People do not drift toward holiness. Apart from grace-driven effort, people do not gravitate toward godliness, prayer, obedience to scripture, faith and delight in the Lord.

We drift toward compromise and call it tolerance; we drift toward disobedience and call it freedom; we drift toward superstition and call it faith.

We cherish the indiscipline of lost self-control and call it relaxation; we slouch toward prayerlessness and delude ourselves into thinking we have escaped legalism; we slide toward godlessness and convince ourselves we have been liberated.



A Lenten Reflection on Faith

This is one of the best posts I’ve read this year. Honest and beautifully well-written. I love how she was able to describe the strength that fellowship with people from other denominations gave her. I have experienced this kind of strengthening as well, and I suppose I should do a little post on that. For now, enjoy Osemhen…

Family Life

Joysuo: Is Your Marriage On Auto Pilot?

Are you working your marriage, or are you expecting it to just work? Keeping a marriage healthy and beautiful is not just a wife’s job- it takes two, husband and wife.

You wake up, go through your morning routine, go to work, come back home exhausted, eat and fall asleep. Every day. Continue like this and you’ll land in a counsellor’s office, if not divorce court, in no time.

People think it is love that sustains marriage but that’s not true. It is commitment and understanding. How can you understand your partner if you don’t take time to study them?

If you don’t spend time and energy keeping the marriage now, you’ll spend it answering loved ones’  arranging child custody and visitation, dividing property…ugh. Divorce is more stress, believe.

You have to find what nourishes your marriage, and feed it. Spend time together gisting and laughing. Spend time together addressing serious issues like adults, without quarreling and fighting. Don’t just have sex, make love. Be mentally, emotionally and physically present and involved. There’s a reason it’s called knowing- know each other intimately. Make plans together, pray together. Couples don’t naturally grow together; they grow apart, that’s the default. That’s why you must make conscious effort to grow together.

Auto pilot is for aircrafts, not for marriage. Steer your marriage.

Literature, Spirituality

About A Book: Heaven Is So Real by Choo Thomas


I just found a couple of my old comments on Facebook! A friend of mine asked us (members of a group) to check out a book (pictured above) and give our thoughts.  Here’s what I said:

Why should you read it? The Bible describes Heaven and how to get there. That should be enough for us. Why do we humans like to listen to each other when God has already spoken? Do we need to see Heaven through someone’s eyes? Blessed are they who have not seen and yet believe.

By the way, there’s really no way to know if someone is telling the truth about a dream/revelation or not. We can only trust the Bible. People who are looking to be thrilled are better off reading C.S Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia. At least we can tell from reading his books that he was grounded in faith, plus he doesn’t say it’s literally true.

People who say they were impacted by Choo Thomas’ book had a faulty foundation to begin with. Heaven isn’t so much about Heaven as it is about Jesus. We need no further description than what the Word offers. I’d go to join Him in a desert if that’s where He lives.

Roberts Liardon who had a revelation and published his book, I Saw Heaven, at the age of 8, spent years in his adult life sleeping with men in his church. A world of difference the supposed tour of Heaven made. Let’s not encourage all these unnecessary books. Heaven is not a holiday destination that needs advertising or hypes to make people want to go.

Gotta go, i’m getting worked up. Lol. Let’s work at living holy lives and keep looking at Jesus. Love you girls!”


I didn’t stop there. I went over to Wikipedia to do some research, and came back to continue:



Her book also contains some claims which go beyond the Biblical portrayal of Heaven.

Heaven is a garden, with flowers, tree lined roads, and white fences.

She claims that the food of heaven is fish, and recounts a time when she and Jesus went fishing in heaven.

On another trip to heaven she played with the fish.

She often talks about Jesus and her going for boat rides in Heaven with Jesus rowing the boat.

Heaven contains a brown lifeless valley outside heaven where disobedient Christians go (a third eternal destination) while “sinful Christians” are sent to the Lake of Fire.

She saw a literal “Mansion” which was to be hers in heaven.

This idea of Christians having a “Mansion” is taken from John 14:2 in the King James Version of the Bible, “In my Father’s house are many mansions”, although the use of “mansion” as a translation is influenced by the Latin “mansiones”” rather than the Greek “μovἡ”, which means “room, dwelling place”.

Jesus supposedly dresses up for his birthday on Christmas day. 

One of her most controversial claims is that heaven contains a large, warehouse type room, where all aborted babies are kept. Thomas claims that Jesus tells her “I do not like abortion”, but if the mothers of these babies are saved, then they can have their babies back. If these women are not saved, then the babies will receive new mothers from those women who are saved and go to heaven.



Looooool! Well done, Joy from 5 years ago! Mwah!!