Family Life, Spirituality

Joysuo: Can The Marriage Bed Be Defiled?

Last week a friend sent this article to my Facebook inbox,  Nigerian Pastor in the UK warns Married Couples – “Missionary” is the Only Holy Sexual Act, and a few days later a sister shared the video in a private FB group I’m part of. We had a robust and enlightening discussion that was an incredible blessing, in spite of the differences in opinion. I was especially reminded of the importance of examining the origins of everything we do instead of just jumping on the bandwagon or going with the flow.

Now, I am not unfamiliar with the notion that some sexual positions are considered sinful in marriage. I am not even talking about oral sex here, which many Christians recoil from in disgust, or anal sex which most will denounce without batting an eyelid. I am talking about people who believe that even in the simple natural act of a husband penetrating his wife’s vagina, it matters in what position they do it.

Growing up, I read about Lilith. According to midrashic literature, Adam’s first wife was not Eve but a woman named Lilith, who was created in the first Genesis account.

It was after Lilith rebelled that God created Eve. What fascinated me as I researched Lilith was her offence; she refused to allow Adam be on top of her when they were to have sex, as she considered herself his equal. She wanted to be on top, “in defiance of male superiority.” Even as a teenager I knew enough to throw this unbiblical story in the dustbin of course, but I never forgot the interpretation that was given to the woman-on-top sexual position; defiance of her husband’s dominance. Understanding that some people reason this way would prove crucial; I wasn’t shocked to hear this pastor bash this position, or to find that some believers shared his view. And of course there is the “doggy style” which the sister who shared the video with us told us is defined thus online: “sex after the manner of beasts.”

Many have asked, what about during pregnancy? Apart from the big belly standing in the way of the man on top position, anyone who has ever been pregnant or had a pregnant wife knows that a pregnant woman should avoid lying on her back. What to do? The answer is not blowing in the wind.

I had wondered how I was going to settle down and answer in detail all the questions that have been asked of me since that video came out (by the wives on my BBM group, Wise Wives, especially) but as God would have it, Marriage Missions published an article that expressed all my heart on the issue. I am grateful to the Holy Spirit.

The summary of my position is that we must cherish and not abuse the liberty we have in Christ. The marriage bed CAN indeed be defiled, and we must be careful to glorify God in all that we do, including married sex. (1 Cor 10:31)

What and what can defile the marriage bed? Do read the article, and let me know your thoughts- What Is Not Okay In Bed?



1 thought on “Joysuo: Can The Marriage Bed Be Defiled?”

  1. I think the only way to defile it is by bringing a third person in, or bringing hurt and pain into the equation (e.g. sado masochism)

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