What Does “Happily Married” Even Mean?

A few weeks ago I was invited as a guest on a show, to talk about relationship issues. As the host introduced me, she mentioned that I was happily married, which I am.

When I got home that day, however, I started wondering what listeners would understand “happily married” to mean. That I never had issues in my marriage? That I was the perfect wife and my spouse the perfect husband? That I have never wondered whether I married the wrong person, never felt like shooting him, never contemplated divorce? That I have it all together and am therefore qualified to tell them what to do? Continue reading…

How To Say I Love You…

Akin and Ese have been married less than a year. Although they were good friends throughout University, their friendship never crossed the line between platonic and romantic. So it was a surprise when Akin returned to Nigeria after a few years studying in the UK, absolutely convinced that Ese was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He pursued her in earnest, and she soon fell for him, seeing in him a man she could love, respect and build a life with. They bonded over their shared interests: stage plays, tennis, Chess, and charity. On their wedding day, they were all smiles.

One would imagine that with such a foundation, their marriage would be as perfect as can be. The problem is, Ese does not feel Akin loves her as he once did. Akin can tell that she is slipping away from him, but he doesn’t know why, or how to make things right again. Continue reading…

 

What No One Tells Singles About Marriage

The not-so-romantic truth is that marriage is a contract. No matter how much we wrap love around it like a cloak, both partners must keep their end of the bargain, spoken or unspoken, otherwise the marriage will collapse. We don’t talk about this in courtship because it’s not the kind of sentimental stuff we like to dwell on, but fewer marriages will collapse if we strip marriage down to the bare bones; this is what I’m bringing to the table, and this is what I expect. We tend to choose business partners more carefully and practically than marriage partners, perhaps because we do not recognise the power of marriage to make or break a person. Read more…