Letter to My Friend, The Heartbroken Girl

I know you thought he was the one. It was a love so passionate, so extraordinary and so delicious it had to last forever. I remember how your eyes lit up every time you talked about him. You couldn’t believe how lucky you were to find a love like that — God must love you very much to have brought him into your life!

You gave your heart to him wholly, trusted him completely, but he did you dirty. He did you wrong. He trampled what you shared in the dust. It’s over now and all you have are the broken pieces… Read more

5 Money Talks to Have Before You Tie the Knot

Until you attempt to build a life with someone else, you really can’t understand just how much money can affect a marriage. It’s not just about “no romance without finance”. To make marital bliss a reality, you need to be on the same page.

Here are 5 big money discussions you MUST  have, in no particular order:

Debt: Before you get married, you both need to be honest about how much you owe and have a clear, workable plan to pay back. When Zee married Uche, she had no idea how complicated his financial history was. A few weeks into their marriage, he told her he was paying off a certain debt, so he couldn’t contribute financially for a while. Three years later, Zee is still paying the house rent and school fees, in addition to feeding the family. She has bought two cars, both of which he has sold, for said debt. Yet there is no end in sight. Read more…

The Biggest Killer of Marriage

Divorce is almost always a cancer, rarely ever a heart attack. It creeps up on you slowly. Unless you’re checking for lumps and other symptoms every now and then, you’re usually too far gone by the time you realise.

We often hear about marriages “crashing” but the truth is they seldom do. Most times they die slow deaths, often very painful. It may have ended in an affair, an act of violence, or just someone ‘suddenly’ deciding to leave, but it’s never really sudden. Whatever ended it started a long time before The Crash. Read more…

I Will Miss You Forever

This is me, now. I am here, now,

But thoughts of me, then, and us, as we were,

When all we wanted, waking and sleeping,

Was to belong to each other,

Are welcome, from time to time…

 

I will miss you forever.

Somehow, this is something I have always known,

Even back when I didn’t think I would have to

be without you, ever.

I knew, that I always, always wanted to know, to own

Your love, your friendship, your respect,

And I know that in many ways I still do…

 

But I miss you,

Pretty much the way my childhood

Will always be mine, and always be precious,

Except, of course, that I never want to go back,

Nor should I. That wouldn’t be real life, would it?

 

 

Beware of Stupid Love Songs!

This is especially true for younger women.

I love music, especially love songs. I’m not ashamed to get all in my feelings and let the music take me wherever it wants… which is why, several times in my life, I have opened my eyes and found myself in a stupid place. The kind of place that makes you blink repeatedly, inspecting your clothes and wondering, “how did I get here?”

It seems that for every great song that is about real, healthy, authentic love, there are ten songs written for the sole purpose of replacing a girl’s brain with butter. Even as a grown woman, if you’re not listening very carefully, you too can get carried away with the melody of folly. Apart from stellar vocals and tunes, the reason why these songs get away with the madness is the presence of lines that actually sound sensible. You know how they say falsehood is never as dangerous as when it baits its hook with truth? This is very true of love songs. Until you listen to women in unhealthy relationships talk, you don’t realise how big a problem we have. Click here to read more about these songs…

Should You Get Back Together With Your Ex?

A few weeks ago, Season One of Ndani TV’s Skinny Girl in Transit wrapped, and I was just about ready to dive into the television and shake somebody. Why? It ended with the ex-boyfriend, Kola, at the door. This guy left our girl Tiwa because even though she was good to him, “the slim girls just had him.” Then, when Femi who really wants her, weight and all, comes into her life and she’s on her way to finding love again, wham! Hello from the outside.

We will never know the number of people who, after listening to Adele’s Hello, tried to reach out to their ex either to play the #HelloChallenge prank on them, or to seriously exhume the relationship and perform an autopsy on it. I actually saw people who fell for it and I was sad. I get that some people need closure, but exes really need to chill. Whether they want to resurrect the relationship or simply engage in some post-mortem activity including talking about or apologizing for the pain they caused, it is still irritating.

Before you take him back, ask yourself these questions.