3 Habits I Wish I Had Dropped Before I Became a Wife

There are bad habits we pick up on our journeys as girlfriends and boyfriends that follow us into marriage to pour san-san in our garri. That’s just the way it is.

Some men no dey like to baff, some women speak truth without grace…some of these habits are simply wasters of the happy moments that make life rich and full, while others are downright destructive. Here are three awful habits I wish I had done away with before becoming a wife: Read more…

3 Most Annoying Things People Say to Abused Wives

In the past one year I have had to support more abused wives than ever before.

In this time, I have learnt that one of the hardest things to do is get a woman to remove herself from an abusive marriage before she is killed.
I remember in 2011 there was a walk against domestic violence sponsored by Skye Bank on the heels of the murder of Titi Arowolo. Until her death at the hands of her husband Akolade Arowolo who stabbed her 76 times, Titi was a staff of Skye Bank and mother of a little girl. In February 2014, three years after Titi’s death, Justice Lateefat Okunnu of the Ikeja High Court sentenced Akolade to death, but it is a hollow victory because it will not bring Titi back to life. Read more…

Can You Stop a Man From Cheating?

Last week, I was at the pharmacy with a friend who, like me, recently lost a bit of weight. Our pharmacist was commending us, and tacked on something along the lines of “Una no wan gree at all o, una no want make oga look outside.”

Growing up, I knew a lovely lady whom everyone adored. She was beautiful, the kind of beautiful that made people say God created her on a Sunday. Tall, shapely, with creamy skin that glowed, she was also intelligent, classy, and brilliant at her craft. She was the kind of woman I thought no man could ever have reason to cheat on. Her death came as a shock, and her husband sat on the floor surrounded by her photos and bawled like a baby, his head cradled in his hands. When he remarried soon after and I learnt that his new wife had been his side chick, everything I thought I knew about cheating turned to vapour. Read more…

3 Reasons Why I Stopped Power Walking on the Main Road

When I started my weight loss journey, I exercised only in my compound.

Wearing a pedometer, I aimed for 10, 000 steps every morning, and the remaining steps I needed would be spread over the rest of the day (you need to walk about 10, 000 steps a day to stay fit and more than that if you want to lose weight). As a beginner a good day was 14,000 steps total and as time went on, about 20, 000 steps.

The funny thing is, these steps were all inside my compound. I would walk round and round and round my building for an hour every morning, six days a week. I never tried to jog or run, I simply power-walked. I didn’t give up any food. I simply combined exercise with reduced portions and I lost the 10kg I needed to lose.

After this, I came down to an hour every morning, three days a week, just for maintenance, but I decided I would start doing it on the road. I lasted only a week before I came back into my estate, and eventually back into my compound. Why?

  1. I realised I don’t like people all that much. All this time I thought I was a lover of people, I didn’t realise it was just the love of Christ. I have no patience for nonsense wey no join the matter at all. Some Nigerians don’t mind their business and it’s so annoying. They see you more than once a week and y’all are now chummy all of a sudden. Then there were the ones in their cars obviously gossiping about why a slim girl is exercising. One actually leaned out of his bus and told me I was “okay like this” and did I want “everything to disappear?” He actually thought he was advising me. SMH.
  2. I don’t like cars. Horns, fumes, people in them… Enough said.
  3. I’m a music freak. I’m almost always listening to music, whether I’m showering, cooking, or exercising. So for my walks I got one of those wireless headphones last year and loaded an SD card for it. Now, I didn’t realise the luxury that power-walking to music in the privacy of my own compound affords me. When Korede Bello’s Godwin or D’Prince’s Amarachi comes on? The music lover in me gives way to the music freak and my hands and body are doing their thing. Then Asa’s Baby Gone comes on and I’m suddenly all in my feelings. I have no idea what my face looks like. I don’t want anyone looking at me in any of the aforementioned states.

So yeah, I’m back in my compound. I’m glad I ventured out, however. I always thought of the distance between my house and a certain roundabout as faaaar but it’s only 30 minutes both ways. Just imagine. The same one hour (10,000 steps) I had been doing in my compound! It’s encouraging to know I walked that far daily.

I’ve flipped my routine and I’m happier with 30 minutes six days a week (that three days a week thing wasn’t making me happy) and I’m staying as far away from the road as I can!

Do You Need Reasons to Love Someone?

In my first year at University, I had a roommate whose new boyfriend was very generous. At this time, I held the belief that if you truly loved someone you didn’t need a reason to. You just loved them. If you could actually say why you loved someone, then it wasn’t real. As time went on I stretched this theory even further: it is wrong to love someone because of things they do.

Now this roommate of mine, every time her boyfriend did something for her, would say in her very Deltan accent, “Why I no go love?” I remember the particular episode that irritated me the most. The guy showed up with a carton of provisions for her, dropped it off, and left. She started bringing out the items and setting them on the table; milk, sugar, sardines, corned beef, cocoa, cornflakes, margarine, biscuits, juice…and when she was done she smiled and looked at us, “Why I no go looove?” Read more…

Beware, These 3 Things Will Kill Your Love

The jury is still out on whom or what to blame, but given the mix of movies, talk shows, TV series and books that many young people have spent time with, it’s not surprising that there are several myths about love and relationships that people actually take as truth — including me, once upon a time. We’ve heard these things so much that we’ve come to believe them and end up ruining our chances of building real, lasting love. Here are three of the things I’ve heard recently that bring these myths to mind:

“I’m just not excited about her anymore.” Err…that high wasn’t meant to last forever! “A good relationship = great romance” is a myth. Nobody rides on that high permanently, so it’s a huge mistake to think that when the passion fades, you’re not in love anymore. Many people leave a relationship at this stage and get into another one where, of course, this new person gives them that emotional high they’re looking for. Read more…