7 Popular Nigerians Whose Names Are Often Misspelt

Human beings tend to murder names they’re not familiar with and my tolerance for it is extremely low, so I discovered the easy way out in Primary 5, and entered Secondary School as “Joy.”

Unfortunately, Nigerians are way better at this than the rest of the world. “Better” because they don’t always murder the name, sometimes they just write/say whatever they feel it should be, or what it is closest to in their languages. No effort whatsoever to pronounce or spell it properly.

Famous Nigerians are not spared either. Continue reading…

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Why It’s a Good Thing That Buhari Won

I usually write on relationships so I’m sure you’re wondering what that has got to do with His Excellency.

Kenneth has been toasting my friend Lillian for over three years now. They started out as friends, during which time he made it clear that she wasn’t his type (she’s a nerd), so you can imagine her surprise and mine when, after a period of consoling him through a painful breakup, he revealed he was in love with her. He asked her out, she said no, and he refused to take no for an answer. He said he would keep asking her until she said yes, because he believed they were destined to marry.

We didn’t take him seriously, but weeks rolled into months and soon a year had passed, and then two years. He was still asking and she was still saying no. Why? First off she felt no attraction beyond friendship. Secondly, she didn’t like the idea of dating or marrying a younger man. Thirdly, he didn’t have the qualities she considered most important in a husband. She knows nobody is perfect, and that we must all identify things we can give up and those we can’t compromise on. Unfortunately, with Kenneth, it’s an abundance of the things she can’t stand and just a couple of the qualities she desires in her life partner.

This is the fourth year, and neither of them has been in a relationship in this time, just several dates that have led nowhere. The thing tire everybody, no be small. Over the years we’ve wondered, what’s the worst that could happen if she says yes? She keeps telling him that a relationship between them won’t work, and he keeps saying they can’t know that unless they try. However, she’s unwilling to try because she’s convinced it will end badly and they’ll lose their friendship altogether. According to her, she would hate to be one of the girls that broke his heart. She’s even come around regarding the age difference, but she’s really not feeling this guy beyond friendship level. I mean, she can’t even stand the thought of him kissing her!

Recently, I thought maybe she should say yes, and date him. Not because she’s in her 30s and time isn’t on her side biologically, but because there’s a tendency to wonder, years later when something or the other happens, how life would have turned out if she had said yes. And as is usual in such wonderings, there’s a tendency to think that perhaps life would have been much better if she had focused on his good qualities and ignored the rest.

After all, Buhari’s persistence worked for him. He toasted Nigeria for so long that she thought you know what, it’s not like there are other viable options, so let me say yes. And once she made that decision, it was easy for Nigeria to see how wonderful he was, and how he was her Messiah, just what she needed, the solution to all her problems. Others expressed doubt; tribalism, dictatorial tendencies, age and health…none of that mattered. He had been persistently proposing for a long time and that’s a sign of a man who knows what he wants and has a solid plan to make his woman happy. He deserved a chance. Besides, he had zero tolerance for corruption and wasn’t that just wonderful? But what about the fact that he’s obviously out of touch with modern day realities? Nigeria put her fingers in her ears. “Abeg don’t worry, he will learn. Nobody is perfect. Besides, what other options do I have?” And so the wedding took place. And it’s good that it did.

Can you picture Nigeria if he hadn’t won? Any negative event would have elicited shouts of “When we said vote Buhari, you people said no. See it now?!” Bomb blasts and massacres? “SMH. If you people had listened and voted Buhari, all these things would have been a thing of the past. He would have crushed them.” We wouldn’t have heard word, honestly. Forever and ever the matter of if Buhari had become president would never have ended.

Our children’s children would have been told stories of how we missed the opportunity to have had the president that would have turned this great ship called Nigeria in the right direction and set us on the path to peace and prosperity forever.

Now, make we hear word . Eye don clear. Everybody body don come down. Now, we won’t have to wonder; we know. And in my book, that’s a good thing.

So, don’t you think Lillian too should know for sure?

 

This article was first published on sabinews.com

 

10 Questions For Dami Elebe, Writer, #SGIT and #RumourHasIt

Many Nigerians fell in love when Ndani TV’s Skinny Girl in Transit began its first season. It was unlike anything we’d ever had, and we wanted more of that fresh, entertaining, authentically Nigerian originality. Soon, another Ndani TV series,Rumour Has It, followed, and viewers were on cloud 9. Joy Ehonwa had 10 questions for the delightful, multi-talented Dami Elebe, who wrote SGIT Season One and is a co-writer on Rumour Has It. Continue reading…

My Top Ten Books

My late friend and fellow #CNWriter Hammed Ajiboye was passionate about books. Every week, he would put up “My Top Ten Books” on his blog; a series that featured readers’ best books ever. He passed before I could send him mine, but it recently crossed my mind that Hammed would want to see it published. So here it is…

6 Most Popular Phrases In Christianese

In case you’re wondering what Christianese is, it simply refers to Christian-speak, that is, the body of language that Christians understand and use amongst themselves colloquially. Let’s examine some Christianese phrases and where they come from; I’ll be using the New King James Version (NKJV), unless otherwise stated.

1. It is well

If you live amongst Christians, especially in Nigeria, you must have heard this phrase tacked on at the end of a sentence or a lamentation. Continue reading…