Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-to-Be

 

 

There are many things that people don’t have the heart to tell the bride, but I believe she should know these things.

If you agree, then you will enjoy reading Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be.

I believe this collection of 50 heartfelt letters to 50 unique women, married and single, is timely and essential; especially for young Christian women today who hope to become wives, or just did.

I address the priority of choosing the right man: Is there such a thing as marrying the wrong person? Do you have any concrete reason for holding on to this relationship apart from the time you’ve already spent which you don’t want to go down the drain? Is he in love with you, or with the idea of you? Are you ignoring red flags or assuming you can “manage”? Does he handle life well?

I discuss the importance of becoming the right woman: Are there bad habits you need to deal with before becoming a wife? Are you comfortable in your own sexuality and knowledgeable about sex? Are you open and honest about your expectations? Have you bought into any marriage myths that are simply not true? Should you take your ex back?

Also, I talk about doing what is necessary to make love last, and knowing when to leave: Why does love fade in marriage? What does it mean to be happily married? What can we do to reduce the risk of divorce? Why do women stay in abusive marriages? How can we avoid being torn apart by money, or the lack of it?

As I wrote in Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be, “There are no guarantees to this marriage thing. But there’s no denying that it is best entered into with eyes wide open.”

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How to Raise a Rotten Nigerian

Children are the leaders of tomorrow. They are also the insensitive, fraudulent, unconscionably corrupt politicians, public servants and citizens of tomorrow. They are the ones who will ruin countless lives by looting whatever is left of our treasury without flinching. They are the ones who will use their office to make cringe-worthy pronouncements, and laugh at same. They are the ones who, when elected into public office, will spend their time making stupid videos to upload on social media while whole sections of the nation are slaughtered.

Want to raise some of these? Don’t worry, you don’t have to do much. It has more to do with the things you don’t do.

Naija Voice: This Marriage of a Thing Dey Fear You?

E suppose fear you o. The thing risky no be small.

I remember one time wey dem ask one oyibo pikin who e go marry. E say e go marry im mama.

Dem tell am say no o, person no fit marry im own mama o. The boy come say okay, e go marry im sister. Dem say no o, person no dey marry sister o. Person no fit marry person from im own family o.

The pikin shock. E no fit believe am. So, person go just marry person wey e no know before? Na so una dey do am? The pikin begin cry.

You fit blame am? Sometimes I dey look my husband, and e dey surprise me say I meet person wey I no know before, come marry am. ‎Continue reading…

Unhappily Married: Why Won’t She Just Leave?

I attended a women’s retreat recently, and one of the workshops was about what to do when you find yourself in an unfulfilling marriage. Several helpful tips and solutions were proffered, but nobody said anything about leaving until one woman asked in frustration, “When will a woman ever be told to just leave?” Continue reading…

Marriage: 10 Things We Know We Should Be Doing, But Aren’t

What you know may not matter much if you aren’t applying it. You might as well not have that knowledge at all. When it comes to marriage, there are things we know we should do, but life and laziness get in the way.

I’m Too Lazy to Have a Fantastic Marriage

Yes, I’m too lazy. I don’t have the energy and this is why my marriage is “good”. Sure, there are people with great marriages but those ones have two heads, you just can’t see the other one with your physical eyes. Someone once likened a great marriage to ducks swimming, smooth and effortless on top when underneath they’re actually paddling like crazy!

Think about the most successful students, musicians, or athletes you know. You see them when they excel and receive awards and accolades. They’re always looking awesome and pumping their fists, and you’re never thinking of the nights spend studying while others were sleeping, the hours spent rehearsing, writing and recording, or the disciplined training and achy muscles.

It all just looks fun and exciting, pretty much the way genuinely happy and fulfilled couples look.  

Naija Voice: Madam, That Your House Girl Na Person Pikin

Madam,

We know say the story wey we dey hear na story of how house maid dey wicked, how dem dey use bad pay their madam wey do good for dem, or how dem dey carry bad belle from their former working place come dey wicked the new family.

Na dat one dey make you feel say we no go hear how you dey wicked your own house girl. And people like you many; the thing wey una dey take these girls eye see fit make person cry. All those kin story, people no dey wan loud am. Read more.

Proverbs 31 Babe: 7 Reasons You Must Have Help at Home

If you’re a wife and mother who goes to work, works from home, or runs a business, then you must have help at home. That’s it; it just had to be put out there like that. If you don’t have help, then you need to ask yourself some hard questions. If you have chosen to not have a business or career, that’s a different matter. However, if you want to make money, contribute meaningfully to the economy, and raise your kids properly, you need help at home whether it’s someone who resumes and closes or someone who lives with you. Here are a few things every working mother without an assistant should know.

Proverbs 31 Babe: Why You Must Have Your Own Money

1. You Are a Person.

Yes, you are a human being. Ecclesiastes 3:13 says “And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labour, for these are gifts from God.” Being a woman doesn’t exclude you or mean that the gift of God doesn’t apply to you. The “virtuous and capable wife” in Proverbs 31 knew this. She went about her various businesses with zest and vigour, and applying her God given aptitude she invested her earnings, creating multiple streams of income and multiplying her revenue! Have a look:

-“She finds wool and flax and busily spins it.”

-“She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.”

– She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.

– She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants

Man or woman, there is dignity in labour. God has made it so, and is well pleased to see it. Get with the programme.

Proverbs 31 Babe: The Virtue of Waking Up Early

“She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work…” Proverbs 31:15

I’m an owl. Naturally I do my best work when I’m at my desk late into the night, and in the mornings I prefer to sleep in. There is nothing wrong with this, per se; after all we can’t all be larks. Unfortunately, time is a precious commodity, and the world starts counting time in the morning. Accordingly, wise people wake up with the world- early birds who are rewarded with the proverbial worm.

A few years ago I paid attention for the first time to the fact that the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31 was also an early bird, and I thought, “If her results are anything to go by, joining this tribe is a move definitely worth considering.”

Now, I’m a self-made Morning Person, and I’ll share with you why and how.