Dear Professional, Are You Wasting Your Time?

Whether you work for yourself or you’re an employee, if you have your heart set on success then you are already familiar with the benefits of time management. You also have been a victim of one or more pitfalls along the way. In fact, from the moment you wake up, several of them are waiting to bite a huge chunk out of your productivity, if not swallow your day whole.

There’s social media, for starters. You reach for your phone or tablet just to check your Twitter feed, and before you know it you’ve been drawn into a vortex of mentions, replies, DMs, and trying to find out where this hot topic actually started from. The same thing happens with Facebook and Instagram, depending on which ones have the strongest hold on you. Continue reading…

 

Sex: Consent is Not Just a Word

In the original classic Sleeping Beauty, the prince does not wake the sleeping girl up with a kiss. He comes upon her and, unable to resist her beauty, has sex with her, leaving her pregnant with twins. Yep, he rapes her in her sleep.

Of course Disney recognizes this as a horrible narrative, so that doesn’t happen in their 1959 animation film Sleeping Beauty. Read more…

Making a Difference: Sanitary Aid for Nigerian Girls

Have you ever wondered how poor secondary school girls are coping with the costs of sanitary pads? What about displaced women in IDP camps? How do they maintain hygiene when their period comes around?

Sanitary pad costs range from ₦350 to ₦1800, and most women need at least two for each monthly period. Women with good income still feel the pinch, how much more economically challenged women?

Oghenekaro Omu, who tweets via @duchesskk, has decided to do something about this issue. She is currently reaching out to Nigerians to pitch in and support less privileged women and girls who are no doubt having a rough time with menstrual hygiene especially in this economy. Read about it here.

10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know about Sleep

A few weeks ago, someone I follow on Twitter said something about how not sleeping enough leads to weight gain and that piqued my curiosity. Although she could not explain the science behind it, she mentioned “leptin” and I tucked it at the back of my mind. As soon as I got the chance, I started reading up on sleep, and here are a few of the many things I learnt.

Would You Attend a Silent Book Party?

The first time I ever heard of a silent book party was in a Twitter poll. The question was, “Would you attend a silent book party?” I didn’t vote yes because I wasn’t exactly sure what that was and why it would be pleasurable for me.

I made a note in my memo pad to remind me to find out more about it, and when I finally did, I had to admit it was a good idea. I had never thought of such a thing before! Read more…

7 Popular Nigerians Whose Names Are Often Misspelt

Human beings tend to murder names they’re not familiar with and my tolerance for it is extremely low, so I discovered the easy way out in Primary 5, and entered Secondary School as “Joy.”

Unfortunately, Nigerians are way better at this than the rest of the world. “Better” because they don’t always murder the name, sometimes they just write/say whatever they feel it should be, or what it is closest to in their languages. No effort whatsoever to pronounce or spell it properly.

Famous Nigerians are not spared either. Continue reading…

Hilarious: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

 

 

Found on Facebook.