Would You Attend a Silent Book Party?

The first time I ever heard of a silent book party was in a Twitter poll. The question was, “Would you attend a silent book party?” I didn’t vote yes because I wasn’t exactly sure what that was and why it would be pleasurable for me.

I made a note in my memo pad to remind me to find out more about it, and when I finally did, I had to admit it was a good idea. I had never thought of such a thing before! Read more…

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7 Popular Nigerians Whose Names Are Often Misspelt

Human beings tend to murder names they’re not familiar with and my tolerance for it is extremely low, so I discovered the easy way out in Primary 5, and entered Secondary School as “Joy.”

Unfortunately, Nigerians are way better at this than the rest of the world. “Better” because they don’t always murder the name, sometimes they just write/say whatever they feel it should be, or what it is closest to in their languages. No effort whatsoever to pronounce or spell it properly.

Famous Nigerians are not spared either. Continue reading…

Hilarious: How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

 

 

Found on Facebook.

#ThrowbackThursday: That Time James Patterson Upset Me

Facebook recently dug up this memory of the time I read James Patterson’s Roses Are Red. Boy, I was upset! I posted:

Joy knows that reading a novel is like having an intimate encounter. It can be exciting, cause you to cry, laugh and make funny noises, send your heart racing and even bursting through your mouth, but it has to be ultimately SATISFYING. You have to come away from the experience feeling complete. Anything less than that is a waste of time and nervous energy. Yes, James Patterson, I’m talking to you!

Hahahaha! This was my first James Patterson book, and I never read any after that! 

Has any book ever left you feeling so unfulfilled? Do leave a comment.

Twitter TL- Your Tweets Make a Difference

young girl is a victim of abduction

 

Some think it’s “just Twitter” while others know it’s not but don’t think it matter that much. The truth is, it matters more than you know.

@subomiplumptre shared on this subjects in a series of tweets, which you can read below:

 

1. I used to work in the Research Department of @AlderConsulting, where I learnt a valuable lesson. #Analytics

2. It’s not enough to collate data. True value lies in understanding what it means & how it can drive decision making. #Analytics

3. On May 20, I read a story by @ThinkProgress tagged, “How The World Quickly Stopped Caring About The Kidnapped Nigerian Girls” #Analytics

4. You can view the full article by @ThinkProgress here http://buff.ly/1pgSH2k  #Analytics

5. Google Trends show that chatter about #BringBackOurGirls has waned globally. #Analytics #Graphic pic.twitter.com/LmvDuabOoU

Bring Back Our Girls Analytics

6.Total tweets now stand at 3,586,486 but you can see the decline in daily tweets. #Analytics #Graphic pic.twitter.com/fh5Q6YiNZF

Bring Back Our Girls Analytics 2

7. There is a world of difference between online advocacy and on-the-ground change. However, both play very important roles. #Analytics

8. Though online chatter has subsided, actions on-the-ground are in full swing as can be seen from the recent march to Aso Rock. #Analytics

9. Impact can also be gauged by troop deployments by the US and Nigeria’s ongoing military operations. #Analytics

10.Perhaps this cheeky statement by Americans in the mid-west is now gaining some credence. #Graphic #Analytics pic.twitter.com/i0bqLoJEI0

Cheeky Hashtag Comment

11.The lesson for advocacy orgs like @EIENigeria is that for issues-based campaigns, the window for mass online support is ltd. #Analytics

12. Be clear about the outcomes you want and drive them while the topic is hot online #Analytics

13. For #BringBackOurGirls, key objectives have been met. #Analytics

14. Military intervention is underway; religious leaders have been mobilised to pray; advocacy groups are pressuring Government. #Analytics

15. Importantly, there is a sense that victims of terrorism in #Nigeria are not as alone as they once were. #Analytics

16.Perhaps none of this would have been possible without the incredible pressure brought on by the #BringBackOurGirls campaign. #Analytics

17. Citizens are now demanding for complete eradication of Boko Haram, not just the return of the #Chibok schoolgirls. #Analytics #Nigeria

18. No longer are we satisfied with just moving on when we hear of incidents in Abuja or Kano or Jos. #Analytics #Nigeria

19. Finally, we have proven that this is no longer just #socialmedia or business as usual. #Analytics

20. #Socialmedia is as effective as any other advocacy tool and can mobilise nations and on-the-ground action. #Analytics

 

Many thanks, Subomi Plumptre!

Friends, don’t imagine for one second that your tweet is just a tweet. The Chibok Girls have not yet been rescued. Let’s not get tired. Keep up the #BringBackOurGirls tweets.

Your tweets matter!

 

 

Twitter TL- Did Nigeria Give The Missing Girls to Boko Haram?

young girl is a victim of abduction

Our Chibok girls have been missing for over two weeks. @Cherox suggests that perhaps Nigeria knowingly gave out the missing girls and we were never supposed to know or care…

She tweets:

If the reports are true, we might have to admit that some of these girls will not come back, they’ve crossed borders to remote areas. If these reports are also to be believed, these girls were moved after at least 1 week in the Sambisa forest. So the reason why some of these girls will never see their families again is because of the deliberate slow action. At some point when you just look at the facts, you have to admit to yourself that these girls were given out by Nigeria.

1. The girls were taken, days later when the news story didn’t die down, the army LIES that most have been rescued.

2. We believe that lie & celebrate until the principal debunks this lie and says they’re still missing. Army is mum.

3. Parents start entering the forest to search for their children. The parents are unescorted by ANY SECURITY FORCES.

4. BH releases threats that if the searches in the forest aren’t stopped they will kill. Admitting they’re in the forest.

5. A week and some days pass before the President summons a security meeting and demands these girls be looked for.

6. This is only after the missing girls start to make international news and the story can no longer be ignored.

7. After this, the reports of girls being seen in pickup vehicles in Gwoza & closer to borders start coming in.

8. Now the story is that these girls have been married off/sold into sex slavery in Chad & Cameroun.

9. Now admittedly, I do watch a bit of TV, so maybe my imagination is too wild, but can nobody else see what I see?

10. These girls were taken, we were not supposed to know about it or care about it. When we did, what did they do? LIE

11. The army would only lie about finding these girls if they NEVER INTENDED TO LOOK FOR THEM! Now why wouldn’t you look?

12. You don’t look for something you knowingly gave away. But the lie didn’t last long& (un)fortunately, outsiders heard.

13. No need to go further, look over the facts yourself. It seems like these girls were GIVEN AWAY. That should scare you.

14. If you don’t care about the girls, care about that.

Personally, I’m still wondering why the ARMY LIED. They didn’t rescue the girls, didn’t even look, and they just lied to us. Why would they do that? Why were they trying to deceive us? It’s not like it’s a joke, over 200 girls! Why such behaviour?

I’d like to know your thoughts, please leave a comment. Thank you.