Notes of a Girl Whose Dad Owns The World
It has come to my notice that single people who intend to get married have been hearing “marriage is work” for ages and yet they’re not exactly sure what the “work” is. And they’re sick of it.
I’ve decided to share a few things about what constitutes this “work” based on my experience and the experiences of people I’ve talked with about marriage over the years. Read more…
Recently I’ve been seeing things that remind me of the reason why the grass is rarely ever greener.
On Sunday, a lovely lady I follow on Twitter lamented her decision to visit another church thinking it would be better than the one she belonged to. Her “Who sent me message?” had me chuckling, but what elicited the peals of laughter was her declaration that she would be so exuberant in her church the following Sunday, the other parishioners would wonder what happened to their sister. I remember thinking, “Thank God it’s church, and that she can go back easily.” Many people have given up relationships of great value just because they hoped to find something better…and found themselves without altogether. Continue reading…
Dear Friend,
I’ve been watching you struggle where this other woman is concerned. She came into your life at one of the toughest points in your marriage, and somehow she eased your distress at the time. Her understanding of your challenges only served to convince you that if the opportunity presented itself, you two could be far more than friends. Now you and Mrs. have addressed your issues and you’re both working on making your marriage better, so she thinks it’s all over with this woman who was nearly a threat. But you and I know that it isn’t. You still fantasize about her, and you would still talk with her all day if she would take your calls.
Let me call your attention to a few things.
First, a quick reminder- your wedding vows are sacred. You made them before God Almighty, and he expects you to be faithful. You know this, but in your current state you need to hear it over and over until it starts to sink in.
I recognise the strength of the temptation; she’s beautiful, smart, vivacious, ambitious, driven and passionate, and she just seems to “get you”, in a way that Mrs. doesn’t. And she is oh-so-sexy. The things you believe she can do to you, Mrs. can’t even spell. So your hair is all up in braids and you’re asking, “Where were you when I was getting married?!” even though in your case this doesn’t make sense because your sassy siren was still in a school uniform, but that’s never crosses your mind and I understand, infatuation is blind like that.
If you were in your right mind you would know that That Girl cannot replace your wife. Yet, the more you lean towards her, the greater the chances of you falling into her bed and putting your marriage and family at risk.
You want to know the truth? You are not just any man. Your wife possesses qualities That Girl lacks- and they are more fundamental to your wellbeing than you realise. You need to ask yourself,
“Does she share my faith and values?”
“Can she keep a home like my wife can?”
“Can she submit to me as her husband and head, with grace and poise?”
“Can she raise responsible, God-fearing children I can be proud of?”
“Does she have the patience and tact to accommodate my flaws and shortcomings?”
“Can she stand by me when there’s no money in the bank, and still respect and honour me?”
“CAN REAL LIFE WORK WITH HER?”
You think if only you were married to her, life would be pure bliss. Sorry sir; just sharing a home with her will burst your bubble. You’ll quickly be disillusioned to find that a life lived in tandem with her is a different ballgame from your perfect little world of dates, phone calls and BBM chats. You’ll be shocked by how divergent your life goals are; you’ll be dismayed by how easily irritated she can be. I could go and on, but the bottom line is, you will miss your wife.
You may not realise now what a buffer she is on your life’s journey, nor remember what an inspiration she was when you first fell in love with her and how she saw all that was good in you. All you can see is what you wish she was- namely, all the wonderful things That Girl is. You are not alone.
One of the themes in Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married is what he calls the 80-20 rule. It is based on the premise that on the average, you only get 80 percent of what you want in a mate, and that’s it. Here, the allure of The Other Woman is encapsulated thus; “20 percent looks really good when you don’t have it.”
My friend, grow up. Open your eyes and rein in your lust and emotions. Don’t even think about hanging around That Girl trying to be “just friends”, she really isn’t your friend and you know you will get sucked in. Don’t throw away your 80 percent for 20; that is, and forever will be, a dumb move. I can already picture you standing there holding your once glittering 20 percent, and longing for the 80 percent that you traded in. You look pitiful.
Love, Joy.
anafricandiva 