5 Mistakes to Avoid After a Breakup

You meet someone, you’re sure he or she is the one, and you’re just so good together it’s magic. Not only are they amazing, they think you’re amazing too. They get you, want the best for you, and you just know this is it. You’re walking on sunshine, flying without wings, and then it’s over. It starts dying and one day it’s dead, or you run into irreconcilable differences along the way, or you have a fight and they just leave and don’t want to make things right again- or you are done. Read more…

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7 Things That Can Happen When You Don’t Like Your Friend’s Man

Eleven years ago, when I was a corps member, I made a number of bosom friends who are still in my life today. They bring me such joy, comfort and inspiration, I just know we didn’t meet by accident. Maintaining those friendships after service year has enhanced our lives in many ways.

It so happens that one of my friends had met a guy in camp, and they started dating. I did not like this guy. Read more…

Are You Making The Same Mistakes In Your Relationships?

If your life seems to be an endless string of failed relationships, you should take time out to reflect.

One of the first things I learnt about getting life back on track post-breakup is accessing the relationship honestly.

When the therapeutic crying’s done and the healing the tubs of ice-cream have been consumed, there should be that time of introspection where you go over that relationship and ask yourself important questions. What good came out of it? What were the mistakes? Neglecting to do this means that the chances of making the exact same mistakes over and over in each relationship you enter remain high. Continue reading…

Why It’s a Good Thing That Buhari Won

I usually write on relationships so I’m sure you’re wondering what that has got to do with His Excellency.

Kenneth has been toasting my friend Lillian for over three years now. They started out as friends, during which time he made it clear that she wasn’t his type (she’s a nerd), so you can imagine her surprise and mine when, after a period of consoling him through a painful breakup, he revealed he was in love with her. He asked her out, she said no, and he refused to take no for an answer. He said he would keep asking her until she said yes, because he believed they were destined to marry.

We didn’t take him seriously, but weeks rolled into months and soon a year had passed, and then two years. He was still asking and she was still saying no. Why? First off she felt no attraction beyond friendship. Secondly, she didn’t like the idea of dating or marrying a younger man. Thirdly, he didn’t have the qualities she considered most important in a husband. She knows nobody is perfect, and that we must all identify things we can give up and those we can’t compromise on. Unfortunately, with Kenneth, it’s an abundance of the things she can’t stand and just a couple of the qualities she desires in her life partner.

This is the fourth year, and neither of them has been in a relationship in this time, just several dates that have led nowhere. The thing tire everybody, no be small. Over the years we’ve wondered, what’s the worst that could happen if she says yes? She keeps telling him that a relationship between them won’t work, and he keeps saying they can’t know that unless they try. However, she’s unwilling to try because she’s convinced it will end badly and they’ll lose their friendship altogether. According to her, she would hate to be one of the girls that broke his heart. She’s even come around regarding the age difference, but she’s really not feeling this guy beyond friendship level. I mean, she can’t even stand the thought of him kissing her!

Recently, I thought maybe she should say yes, and date him. Not because she’s in her 30s and time isn’t on her side biologically, but because there’s a tendency to wonder, years later when something or the other happens, how life would have turned out if she had said yes. And as is usual in such wonderings, there’s a tendency to think that perhaps life would have been much better if she had focused on his good qualities and ignored the rest.

After all, Buhari’s persistence worked for him. He toasted Nigeria for so long that she thought you know what, it’s not like there are other viable options, so let me say yes. And once she made that decision, it was easy for Nigeria to see how wonderful he was, and how he was her Messiah, just what she needed, the solution to all her problems. Others expressed doubt; tribalism, dictatorial tendencies, age and health…none of that mattered. He had been persistently proposing for a long time and that’s a sign of a man who knows what he wants and has a solid plan to make his woman happy. He deserved a chance. Besides, he had zero tolerance for corruption and wasn’t that just wonderful? But what about the fact that he’s obviously out of touch with modern day realities? Nigeria put her fingers in her ears. “Abeg don’t worry, he will learn. Nobody is perfect. Besides, what other options do I have?” And so the wedding took place. And it’s good that it did.

Can you picture Nigeria if he hadn’t won? Any negative event would have elicited shouts of “When we said vote Buhari, you people said no. See it now?!” Bomb blasts and massacres? “SMH. If you people had listened and voted Buhari, all these things would have been a thing of the past. He would have crushed them.” We wouldn’t have heard word, honestly. Forever and ever the matter of if Buhari had become president would never have ended.

Our children’s children would have been told stories of how we missed the opportunity to have had the president that would have turned this great ship called Nigeria in the right direction and set us on the path to peace and prosperity forever.

Now, make we hear word . Eye don clear. Everybody body don come down. Now, we won’t have to wonder; we know. And in my book, that’s a good thing.

So, don’t you think Lillian too should know for sure?

 

This article was first published on sabinews.com

 

You Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone…

Recently I’ve been seeing things that remind me of the reason why the grass is rarely ever greener.

On Sunday, a lovely lady I follow on Twitter lamented her decision to visit another church thinking it would be better than the one she belonged to. Her “Who sent me message?” had me chuckling, but what elicited the peals of laughter was her declaration that she would be so exuberant in her church the following Sunday, the other parishioners would wonder what happened to their sister. I remember thinking, “Thank God it’s church, and that she can go back easily.” Many people have given up relationships of great value just because they hoped to find something better…and found themselves without altogether. Continue reading…

9 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self About Life and Love

I still have the journal I kept when I was a younger woman. I recently decided to go over it, and I made some interesting discoveries.

My essence, thankfully, is still the same, and I still have the precious friendships that I cherished 10, 20 years ago. Yet, in the midst of so much to be grateful for, I experienced some bittersweet emotions as I read through accounts of unrequited love, betrayal, new love, and hopes for the future.

If, somehow, I could reach out to the woman I was then, these are the words I would say…Read more

Beware, These 3 Things Will Kill Your Love

The jury is still out on whom or what to blame, but given the mix of movies, talk shows, TV series and books that many young people have spent time with, it’s not surprising that there are several myths about love and relationships that people actually take as truth — including me, once upon a time. We’ve heard these things so much that we’ve come to believe them and end up ruining our chances of building real, lasting love. Here are three of the things I’ve heard recently that bring these myths to mind:

“I’m just not excited about her anymore.” Err…that high wasn’t meant to last forever! “A good relationship = great romance” is a myth. Nobody rides on that high permanently, so it’s a huge mistake to think that when the passion fades, you’re not in love anymore. Many people leave a relationship at this stage and get into another one where, of course, this new person gives them that emotional high they’re looking for. Read more…