Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-to-Be

 

 

There are many things that people don’t have the heart to tell the bride, but I believe she should know these things.

If you agree, then you will enjoy reading Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be.

I believe this collection of 50 heartfelt letters to 50 unique women, married and single, is timely and essential; especially for young Christian women today who hope to become wives, or just did.

I address the priority of choosing the right man: Is there such a thing as marrying the wrong person? Do you have any concrete reason for holding on to this relationship apart from the time you’ve already spent which you don’t want to go down the drain? Is he in love with you, or with the idea of you? Are you ignoring red flags or assuming you can “manage”? Does he handle life well?

I discuss the importance of becoming the right woman: Are there bad habits you need to deal with before becoming a wife? Are you comfortable in your own sexuality and knowledgeable about sex? Are you open and honest about your expectations? Have you bought into any marriage myths that are simply not true? Should you take your ex back?

Also, I talk about doing what is necessary to make love last, and knowing when to leave: Why does love fade in marriage? What does it mean to be happily married? What can we do to reduce the risk of divorce? Why do women stay in abusive marriages? How can we avoid being torn apart by money, or the lack of it?

As I wrote in Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be, “There are no guarantees to this marriage thing. But there’s no denying that it is best entered into with eyes wide open.”

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Naija Voice: This Marriage of a Thing Dey Fear You?

E suppose fear you o. The thing risky no be small.

I remember one time wey dem ask one oyibo pikin who e go marry. E say e go marry im mama.

Dem tell am say no o, person no fit marry im own mama o. The boy come say okay, e go marry im sister. Dem say no o, person no dey marry sister o. Person no fit marry person from im own family o.

The pikin shock. E no fit believe am. So, person go just marry person wey e no know before? Na so una dey do am? The pikin begin cry.

You fit blame am? Sometimes I dey look my husband, and e dey surprise me say I meet person wey I no know before, come marry am. ‎Continue reading…

5 Minutes with Dr. Olamide Craig, Co-Founder, SuruLereLove

Professionally, Dr. Olamide Craig describes himself as a pastor and a physician. He went to medical school at the University of Ibadan and graduated in 2007 with a Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery degree. After this, he completed his internship at the National Hospital in Abuja and went on to receive a Master’s in Occupational Health from the University of Birmingham in England.

Some of his professional certifications include the NEBOSH Technical certificate in Oil and Gas Safety, Graduate Member of the International Society of Occupational Health, and Fellow of the Royal Society of Public Health. He has been involved in counselling and ministry for over 20 years, starting in secondary school where he was the President of the Air Force Secondary School Christian fellowship. To help hone this skill he is studying for a combined degree to include Diploma in Marriage Counselling, Diploma in Psychology (Interpersonal Relationships) and Diploma in Sex Therapy. He talked to me about the recently launched online dating website, SurulereLove, which he co-founded with his wife, Aisha Craig.

 

CN: How would you describe SuruLereLove?

SuruLereLove is an online dating and matrimonial site for the discerning Nigerian single. Our vision is to create a safe space online for Nigerian singles to meet, get to know each other and start fulfilling relationships.

 

Continue reading…

7 Things to Keep in Mind If You’re Planning a 2018 Wedding

Inspired by the Skinny Girl in Transit Season 4 finale, many Nigerian women are currently praying, each declaring that their own Mide will find them in 2018. Love is too sweet!

Are you looking forward to getting married next year? See this.

Interesting Conversations Christian Couples Should Have Before Engagement

Nobody can think of every single thing to discuss before marriage, but here are 30 considerations that may never have crossed your mind.

Why Do Some Women Marry Without Physical Attraction?

It’s true that marriage isn’t all about sex, but sex is a huge part of it. And yes, it’s important to marry a nice, kind, decent man, but why would you marry him if you feel no physical attraction?

It turns out there are many reasons why people make that decision. I’ve been asking people who have found themselves in marriages without physical passion, and this is what they had to say.

How to Marry Scum

Not a day passes without me seeing “men are scum” on Twitter, and for every person who posts it as a joke, there’s someone who clearly means it.

It used to bother me a lot, mainly for two reasons; I love men, and I am averse to generalisations. I wondered if “men are scum” meant that our fathers, brothers, husbands and sons are generally and inherently filthy. Nowadays, although I still wonder whenever I see it, it no longer bothers me. Read more…

What Does Working At Your Relationship Even Mean?

Nearly everyone who has ever paid attention to relationships and marriage has heard that they require “work”. If you want your relationship to remain strong, you need to “work” at it. If you’re like me, the sound of that is discouraging. I already have work and I don’t need more. Shouldn’t relationships be fun? Read more…

How Can I Tell if I’m Marrying the Right Person?

In response to my article last week about marrying the wrong person, many readers asked, how can I know the right person? So this week, in addition to reiterating some of the important things we hear at good marriage seminars, I also I decided to share the ONE thing I believe is the key to a truly satisfying marriage that isn’t defined by pounding yam and washing boxers.

You can read my response here.

 

Why Do Long-Term Relationships Not = Marriage?

My bosom friend Esther dated her beau for eight years (from University till they both found their feet and got married). A few years ago, my brother-in-law also married his sweetheart of over a decade. At both weddings, the joy that old friends and schoolmates in attendance radiated was palpable; the dream had come true at last!

This is how I used to think every long-term relationship should be. I could never understand how people dated for years and then broke up, eventually marrying other people. My heart and head rebelled against it, and though I rarely ever commented, I always thought in my heart that they were throwing away a good thing for whatever reason. To my way of thinking then, there was nothing that a couple who had enjoyed a great relationship for a long time couldn’t work out together. It’s basically like marriage, after all, isn’t it?

No, it is not. No matter how long an earthworm grows it will never become a snake. Continue reading…