Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-to-Be

 

 

There are many things that people don’t have the heart to tell the bride, but I believe she should know these things.

If you agree, then you will enjoy reading Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be.

I believe this collection of 50 heartfelt letters to 50 unique women, married and single, is timely and essential; especially for young Christian women today who hope to become wives, or just did.

I address the priority of choosing the right man: Is there such a thing as marrying the wrong person? Do you have any concrete reason for holding on to this relationship apart from the time you’ve already spent which you don’t want to go down the drain? Is he in love with you, or with the idea of you? Are you ignoring red flags or assuming you can “manage”? Does he handle life well?

I discuss the importance of becoming the right woman: Are there bad habits you need to deal with before becoming a wife? Are you comfortable in your own sexuality and knowledgeable about sex? Are you open and honest about your expectations? Have you bought into any marriage myths that are simply not true? Should you take your ex back?

Also, I talk about doing what is necessary to make love last, and knowing when to leave: Why does love fade in marriage? What does it mean to be happily married? What can we do to reduce the risk of divorce? Why do women stay in abusive marriages? How can we avoid being torn apart by money, or the lack of it?

As I wrote in Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be, “There are no guarantees to this marriage thing. But there’s no denying that it is best entered into with eyes wide open.”

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Naija Voice: This Marriage of a Thing Dey Fear You?

E suppose fear you o. The thing risky no be small.

I remember one time wey dem ask one oyibo pikin who e go marry. E say e go marry im mama.

Dem tell am say no o, person no fit marry im own mama o. The boy come say okay, e go marry im sister. Dem say no o, person no dey marry sister o. Person no fit marry person from im own family o.

The pikin shock. E no fit believe am. So, person go just marry person wey e no know before? Na so una dey do am? The pikin begin cry.

You fit blame am? Sometimes I dey look my husband, and e dey surprise me say I meet person wey I no know before, come marry am. ‎Continue reading…

How Do Christians in Large Churches Thrive?

I’m a “small church” girl. I grew up in a congregation where everyone pretty much knew everyone, and I kind of liked it that way. So when I got engaged to a man who had recently joined a church with a large congregation, I wondered how in the world I was going to manage. After attending service with him a few times, I was outright distressed. Kuku kill me.

So heavily did the issue weigh on my mind that I found my way to a former pastor’s office seeking counsel. He totally understood where I was (he always does, he’s a pastor in the shepherd sense of the word, not just a pastor as in someone who stands in front and preaches) and he gave me one piece of advice to help me thrive in a large church. “Find a fellowship within the fellowship,” how said.

Unfortunately for me, even though I recognized this as fantastic advice, I did not immediately implement it. Continue reading.

Verbal Abuse: When There Are No Visible Scars

When Lois accepted Nduka’s marriage proposal, she had no idea she would be anything but blissfully happy with him. After all, he had wanted her in his life so badly, expressing his desire to date and marry her several times over the years since they first met…

When you ask Lois how she came to be trapped in an abusive marriage, she hesitates. Accepting Nduka’s treatment of her from the weeks leading up to their marriage, until now, as abuse, has been difficult for her. Continue reading.

Billary: 7 Moving Excerpts from Carl Bernstein’s A Woman in Charge

“Their friends observed a remarkable chemistry. ‘She’s the one that gets up in the morning with a dark cloud over her head, and he gets up with the bright sun,’ said a photojournalist who followed the Clintons in Arkansas and in Washington. ‘As the day goes on, he’s the one who falls into a funk and she’s the one who will refocus him. It’s one of those things that if they had never met neither of them would have reached the heights that they did.’” Continue reading…

Interesting Conversations Christian Couples Should Have Before Engagement

Nobody can think of every single thing to discuss before marriage, but here are 30 considerations that may never have crossed your mind.

Why Do Some Women Marry Without Physical Attraction?

It’s true that marriage isn’t all about sex, but sex is a huge part of it. And yes, it’s important to marry a nice, kind, decent man, but why would you marry him if you feel no physical attraction?

It turns out there are many reasons why people make that decision. I’ve been asking people who have found themselves in marriages without physical passion, and this is what they had to say.

7 Things That Can Happen When You Don’t Like Your Friend’s Man

Eleven years ago, when I was a corps member, I made a number of bosom friends who are still in my life today. They bring me such joy, comfort and inspiration, I just know we didn’t meet by accident. Maintaining those friendships after service year has enhanced our lives in many ways.

It so happens that one of my friends had met a guy in camp, and they started dating. I did not like this guy. Read more…

7 Harmful Habits Your Relationship Doesn’t Need

Whether you’re dating, engaged or married, there are certain behaviours and habits that are counterproductive to a healthy relationship. Men and women who know the value of a mutually fulfilling and satisfying relationship are careful to avoid practices that threaten their love, and they take deliberate steps to break those habits where they have already been formed. Here are 7 harmful habits your relationship doesn’t need.

What You Should Remember When Pressured to Just Marry

If you’re pressured to “just” marry someone, remember that a spouse isn’t someone to “cope with”; being stuck in a bad marriage is dreadful and even more so when you kind of knew you shouldn’t have done it; life is still challenging for two people who are a perfect fit, how much more facing these with someone who’s all wrong for you; sex-as-duty for the rest of your life is depressing… I could go on and on.

I recently had reason to be ashamed of myself. Very ashamed, in fact.