Relationships

How to Marry Scum

Not a day passes without me seeing “men are scum” on Twitter, and for every person who posts it as a joke, there’s someone who clearly means it.

It used to bother me a lot, mainly for two reasons; I love men, and I am averse to generalisations. I wondered if “men are scum” meant that our fathers, brothers, husbands and sons are generally and inherently filthy. Nowadays, although I still wonder whenever I see it, it no longer bothers me. Read more…

Published Articles, Relationships

Can You Make Someone Love You?

When Chuks met Isio, he knew he wanted to marry her.

Both Christians in their 30s, they had been talking online for a while, and although they enjoyed the conversations, they both wondered what meeting face to face would be like, and they looked forward to his return to Nigeria so they could find out. Continue reading…

Published Articles, Relationships

Are You Making The Same Mistakes In Your Relationships?

If your life seems to be an endless string of failed relationships, you should take time out to reflect.

One of the first things I learnt about getting life back on track post-breakup is accessing the relationship honestly.

When the therapeutic crying’s done and the healing the tubs of ice-cream have been consumed, there should be that time of introspection where you go over that relationship and ask yourself important questions. What good came out of it? What were the mistakes? Neglecting to do this means that the chances of making the exact same mistakes over and over in each relationship you enter remain high. Continue reading…

Family Life, Relationships

What Does Working At Your Relationship Even Mean?

Nearly everyone who has ever paid attention to relationships and marriage has heard that they require “work”. If you want your relationship to remain strong, you need to “work” at it. If you’re like me, the sound of that is discouraging. I already have work and I don’t need more. Shouldn’t relationships be fun? Read more…

Published Articles

Does He Love You, or the Idea of You?

Does he love you, or the idea of you?

You need to know, seriously. The only thing worse than a man who lies about being in love with you when he’s not, is a man who sincerely thinks he’s in love with you but is not. Bad news, baby! E go do “the two both of una” like film trick!

I remember one time, over a decade ago, when my BFF was hotly pursued by this really great guy… read more

Family Life, Spirituality

How Can I Tell if I’m Marrying the Right Person?

In response to my article last week about marrying the wrong person, many readers asked, how can I know the right person? So this week, in addition to reiterating some of the important things we hear at good marriage seminars, I also I decided to share the ONE thing I believe is the key to a truly satisfying marriage that isn’t defined by pounding yam and washing boxers.

You can read my response here.

 

Family Life, Published Articles

What Marriage Has Taught Me About Boredom

When you first started dating it never crossed your mind that you would one day be bored with this person.

Every sleeping and waking moment was wrapped up in them. The newness was exhilarating, adrenaline was pumping, and you just couldn’t get enough of them. What did you ever do to deserve this love?

There was so much to say, so much to do, so much to see together, and even being in the same room with them in silence somehow managed to be pure bliss.

The reality is nobody stays on that high forever. You’ve been together for a while, and that newness has long waned. You know that phase wasn’t meant to last forever, but what can you do now to keep boredom at bay? I wondered one day, so I went looking for answers. Here’s what I learnt.

Published Articles

Why Do Long-Term Relationships Not = Marriage?

My bosom friend Esther dated her beau for eight years (from University till they both found their feet and got married). A few years ago, my brother-in-law also married his sweetheart of over a decade. At both weddings, the joy that old friends and schoolmates in attendance radiated was palpable; the dream had come true at last!

This is how I used to think every long-term relationship should be. I could never understand how people dated for years and then broke up, eventually marrying other people. My heart and head rebelled against it, and though I rarely ever commented, I always thought in my heart that they were throwing away a good thing for whatever reason. To my way of thinking then, there was nothing that a couple who had enjoyed a great relationship for a long time couldn’t work out together. It’s basically like marriage, after all, isn’t it?

No, it is not. No matter how long an earthworm grows it will never become a snake. Continue reading…

Published Articles

5 Myths Only Mills and Boon Lovers Will Understand

I read my first Mills & Boon novel when I was 9. It was a “Doctor-Nurse Romance” titled The Cry of the Swan. It took seven years and nearly 100 M&B novels for me to decide I’d had enough. Prior to that turning point, you couldn’t find me without an M&B novel. I remember once in Literature class when Mr. Robert caught me reading Ripe for the Picking while he was teaching and asked me to stand in front of the class and tell the story.  Was I ashamed? Not one bit, but I pretended to be so he could release me and give back the book he had seized. I would meet complete strangers and we would bond immediately over M&B and start an “exchanging” relationship. Remember those days?

When I emerged best student in WAEC English Language in my State, some of my classmates tried to attribute it to Mills & Boon. My people, the glory for that A1 goes to my dad who bought me proper books and my aunt who read them to me. What did I gain from M&B? Read more…