Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-to-Be

 

 

There are many things that people don’t have the heart to tell the bride, but I believe she should know these things.

If you agree, then you will enjoy reading Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be.

I believe this collection of 50 heartfelt letters to 50 unique women, married and single, is timely and essential; especially for young Christian women today who hope to become wives, or just did.

I address the priority of choosing the right man: Is there such a thing as marrying the wrong person? Do you have any concrete reason for holding on to this relationship apart from the time you’ve already spent which you don’t want to go down the drain? Is he in love with you, or with the idea of you? Are you ignoring red flags or assuming you can “manage”? Does he handle life well?

I discuss the importance of becoming the right woman: Are there bad habits you need to deal with before becoming a wife? Are you comfortable in your own sexuality and knowledgeable about sex? Are you open and honest about your expectations? Have you bought into any marriage myths that are simply not true? Should you take your ex back?

Also, I talk about doing what is necessary to make love last, and knowing when to leave: Why does love fade in marriage? What does it mean to be happily married? What can we do to reduce the risk of divorce? Why do women stay in abusive marriages? How can we avoid being torn apart by money, or the lack of it?

As I wrote in Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be, “There are no guarantees to this marriage thing. But there’s no denying that it is best entered into with eyes wide open.”

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Let’s Talk About the Prostitute Who Became a Princess

Do you worry about how people see you? What people think of you? I can categorically tell you that what matters is not whether people consider you worthy. What matters is God’s opinion of you. Nobody knows this better than Rahab.

Like the other three “unbelieving” women mentioned in Matthew 1, Rahab’s place in Jesus’ lineage is in itself is a testament to the very grace that drew salvation’s plan. They were raised by God to become part of His Son’s ancestry, in order that He who came to save sinners, Himself being born of sinners, might destroy the sins of all.

Jericho was the worst of the cities of the Amorites, and as a result God commanded Joshua to destroy both the city and its residents. Joshua sent out two spies to check out Jericho in preparation for war and when they got there, they hid in the home of a prostitute, Rahab, leading to her life and the lives of her family members being spared. Here are a few noteworthy things about “Rahab the Harlot”.

Let’s Talk About the Wife Who Wasn’t Loved

Do you know what it feels like to be married to a man who doesn’t love you? Maybe you do. Maybe your marriage is the result of parental matchmaking gone wrong. Or maybe you were just dating and getting to know each other and you fell pregnant. Now you’ve “trapped” him with pregnancy and he believes he would not have gone to the altar with you otherwise. Or maybe he did marry you willingly, but only because he couldn’t get the woman he really wanted. Whatever may have happened, you’re in a marriage with a man who doesn’t love you, and probably loves someone else.

Or maybe, you’re not yet married and are considering marrying a man who doesn’t love you — for money, security, babies, or whatever reason. Let’s look at a few things Leah came to know only too well.

Naija Voice: This Marriage of a Thing Dey Fear You?

E suppose fear you o. The thing risky no be small.

I remember one time wey dem ask one oyibo pikin who e go marry. E say e go marry im mama.

Dem tell am say no o, person no fit marry im own mama o. The boy come say okay, e go marry im sister. Dem say no o, person no dey marry sister o. Person no fit marry person from im own family o.

The pikin shock. E no fit believe am. So, person go just marry person wey e no know before? Na so una dey do am? The pikin begin cry.

You fit blame am? Sometimes I dey look my husband, and e dey surprise me say I meet person wey I no know before, come marry am. ‎Continue reading…

Unhappily Married: Why Won’t She Just Leave?

I attended a women’s retreat recently, and one of the workshops was about what to do when you find yourself in an unfulfilling marriage. Several helpful tips and solutions were proffered, but nobody said anything about leaving until one woman asked in frustration, “When will a woman ever be told to just leave?” Continue reading…

Marriage: 10 Things We Know We Should Be Doing, But Aren’t

What you know may not matter much if you aren’t applying it. You might as well not have that knowledge at all. When it comes to marriage, there are things we know we should do, but life and laziness get in the way.

Where Do Busybodies Really Come From?

Children, especially when they are very young, don’t understand boundaries. They feel free to ask any and every question that comes to mind, and to give their opinion on whatever subject, regardless of who is involved. It is in the process of training a child that boundaries are taught. Thus, the child learns that it is not every question that should be asked, and that, unless you’re asked, you should generally keep your opinion about someone else’s business to yourself.

Apparently this only happens in ideal circumstances, and not everyone was trained or remembers what they were taught. How else do you explain the staggering number of adults who have no understanding of boundaries, and who cannot mind their business even if their lives depended on it?

5 Minutes with Dr. Olamide Craig, Co-Founder, SuruLereLove

Professionally, Dr. Olamide Craig describes himself as a pastor and a physician. He went to medical school at the University of Ibadan and graduated in 2007 with a Bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery degree. After this, he completed his internship at the National Hospital in Abuja and went on to receive a Master’s in Occupational Health from the University of Birmingham in England.

Some of his professional certifications include the NEBOSH Technical certificate in Oil and Gas Safety, Graduate Member of the International Society of Occupational Health, and Fellow of the Royal Society of Public Health. He has been involved in counselling and ministry for over 20 years, starting in secondary school where he was the President of the Air Force Secondary School Christian fellowship. To help hone this skill he is studying for a combined degree to include Diploma in Marriage Counselling, Diploma in Psychology (Interpersonal Relationships) and Diploma in Sex Therapy. He talked to me about the recently launched online dating website, SurulereLove, which he co-founded with his wife, Aisha Craig.

 

CN: How would you describe SuruLereLove?

SuruLereLove is an online dating and matrimonial site for the discerning Nigerian single. Our vision is to create a safe space online for Nigerian singles to meet, get to know each other and start fulfilling relationships.

 

Continue reading…

I’m Too Lazy to Have a Fantastic Marriage

Yes, I’m too lazy. I don’t have the energy and this is why my marriage is “good”. Sure, there are people with great marriages but those ones have two heads, you just can’t see the other one with your physical eyes. Someone once likened a great marriage to ducks swimming, smooth and effortless on top when underneath they’re actually paddling like crazy!

Think about the most successful students, musicians, or athletes you know. You see them when they excel and receive awards and accolades. They’re always looking awesome and pumping their fists, and you’re never thinking of the nights spend studying while others were sleeping, the hours spent rehearsing, writing and recording, or the disciplined training and achy muscles.

It all just looks fun and exciting, pretty much the way genuinely happy and fulfilled couples look.  

Proverbs 31 Babe: 7 Reasons You Must Have Help at Home

If you’re a wife and mother who goes to work, works from home, or runs a business, then you must have help at home. That’s it; it just had to be put out there like that. If you don’t have help, then you need to ask yourself some hard questions. If you have chosen to not have a business or career, that’s a different matter. However, if you want to make money, contribute meaningfully to the economy, and raise your kids properly, you need help at home whether it’s someone who resumes and closes or someone who lives with you. Here are a few things every working mother without an assistant should know.