Family Life, Literature, Relationships

Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-to-Be

 

 

There are many things that people don’t have the heart to tell the bride, but I believe she should know these things.

If you agree, then you will enjoy reading Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be.

I believe this collection of 50 heartfelt letters to 50 unique women, married and single, is timely and essential; especially for young Christian women today who hope to become wives, or just did.

I address the priority of choosing the right man: Is there such a thing as marrying the wrong person? Do you have any concrete reason for holding on to this relationship apart from the time you’ve already spent which you don’t want to go down the drain? Is he in love with you, or with the idea of you? Are you ignoring red flags or assuming you can “manage”? Does he handle life well?

I discuss the importance of becoming the right woman: Are there bad habits you need to deal with before becoming a wife? Are you comfortable in your own sexuality and knowledgeable about sex? Are you open and honest about your expectations? Have you bought into any marriage myths that are simply not true? Should you take your ex back?

Also, I talk about doing what is necessary to make love last, and knowing when to leave: Why does love fade in marriage? What does it mean to be happily married? What can we do to reduce the risk of divorce? Why do women stay in abusive marriages? How can we avoid being torn apart by money, or the lack of it?

As I wrote in Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be, “There are no guarantees to this marriage thing. But there’s no denying that it is best entered into with eyes wide open.”

Family Life, Published Articles, Relationships

Naija Voice: This Marriage of a Thing Dey Fear You?

E suppose fear you o. The thing risky no be small.

I remember one time wey dem ask one oyibo pikin who e go marry. E say e go marry im mama.

Dem tell am say no o, person no fit marry im own mama o. The boy come say okay, e go marry im sister. Dem say no o, person no dey marry sister o. Person no fit marry person from im own family o.

The pikin shock. E no fit believe am. So, person go just marry person wey e no know before? Na so una dey do am? The pikin begin cry.

You fit blame am? Sometimes I dey look my husband, and e dey surprise me say I meet person wey I no know before, come marry am. ‎Continue reading…

Personal Leadership, Published Articles

Letter to my Friend, the Nigerian Undergraduate

Dear Friend,

In a country where many universities are struggling and some have already begun to decay, students like you who still strive for excellence and greatness against the odds, are in the minority.

I want you to know that I’m rooting for you, and I have a few things to share with you that will help you if you don’t merely read, but actually take them to heart.

Personal Leadership, Published Articles

Be Your Own Best Friend in 2018 and Beyond

Sometimes, we take self-love and self-care for granted. We get caught up with taking care of other people and other things, without pausing to take care of our own selves.

This goes beyond hair, skin, nails, diet or weight. When was the last time you took care of your spirit and your soul?

That new best friend who will come into your life and help the new you emerge, is you.

Family Life, Published Articles, Relationships

Verbal Abuse: When There Are No Visible Scars

When Lois accepted Nduka’s marriage proposal, she had no idea she would be anything but blissfully happy with him. After all, he had wanted her in his life so badly, expressing his desire to date and marry her several times over the years since they first met…

When you ask Lois how she came to be trapped in an abusive marriage, she hesitates. Accepting Nduka’s treatment of her from the weeks leading up to their marriage, until now, as abuse, has been difficult for her. Continue reading.

Family Life, Published Articles, Relationships

Why Do Some Women Marry Without Physical Attraction?

It’s true that marriage isn’t all about sex, but sex is a huge part of it. And yes, it’s important to marry a nice, kind, decent man, but why would you marry him if you feel no physical attraction?

It turns out there are many reasons why people make that decision. I’ve been asking people who have found themselves in marriages without physical passion, and this is what they had to say.

Published Articles, Relationships

What Life Has Taught Me About Friendship

When you consider that you can survive for a while without a lover or spouse, but it’s practically impossible to survive without a friend, it becomes easier to see how friendship is a bigger deal than romance. It’s not pleasant to be without romantic love in your life, but how much worse is it to be without a friend in the world?

I agree with CS Lewis: “After all—though our novels now ignore it—friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If I had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, ‘sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.’” Read more…

Uncategorized

5 Mistakes to Avoid After a Breakup

You meet someone, you’re sure he or she is the one, and you’re just so good together it’s magic. Not only are they amazing, they think you’re amazing too. They get you, want the best for you, and you just know this is it. You’re walking on sunshine, flying without wings, and then it’s over. It starts dying and one day it’s dead, or you run into irreconcilable differences along the way, or you have a fight and they just leave and don’t want to make things right again- or you are done. Read more…

Uncategorized

10 Money Lessons for Friends and Lovers

“Money separates friends” is a phrase I heard quite often growing up, and along with the quote, “Neither a borrower nor a lender be” it formed my money philosophy as a teen. I witnessed enough “friendships” go sour because someone borrowed and didn’t pay back, to know that there was truth to the saying. So unless I was gifting cash, I avoided the topic as much as possible when it came to friends and lovers.

As I grew older however, it became more and more difficult to keep the subject of money out of relationships. Read more…