Letter to My Friend, the Husband Smitten By That Girl


Dear Friend,

I’ve been watching you struggle where this other woman is concerned. She came into your life at one of the toughest points in your marriage, and somehow she eased your distress at the time. Her understanding of your challenges only served to convince you that if the opportunity presented itself, you two could be far more than friends. Now you and Mrs. have addressed your issues and you’re both working on making your marriage better, so she thinks it’s all over with this woman who was nearly a threat. But you and I know that it isn’t. You still fantasize about her, and you would still talk with her all day if she would take your calls.

Let me call your attention to a few things.

First, a quick reminder- your wedding vows are sacred. You made them before God Almighty, and he expects you to be faithful. You know this, but in your current state you need to hear it over and over until it starts to sink in.

I recognise the strength of the temptation; she’s beautiful, smart, vivacious, ambitious, driven and passionate, and she just seems to “get you”, in a way that Mrs. doesn’t. And she is oh-so-sexy. The things you believe she can do to you, Mrs. can’t even spell. So your hair is all up in braids and you’re asking, “Where were you when I was getting married?!” even though in your case this doesn’t make sense because your sassy siren was still in a school uniform, but that’s never crosses your mind and I understand, infatuation is blind like that.

If you were in your right mind you would know that That Girl cannot replace your wife. Yet, the more you lean towards her, the greater the chances of you falling into her bed and putting your marriage and family at risk.

You want to know the truth? You are not just any man. Your wife possesses qualities That Girl lacks- and they are more fundamental to your wellbeing than you realise. You need to ask yourself,

“Does she share my faith and values?”

“Can she keep a home like my wife can?”

“Can she submit to me as her husband and head, with grace and poise?”

“Can she raise responsible, God-fearing children I can be proud of?”

“Does she have the patience and tact to accommodate my flaws and shortcomings?”

“Can she stand by me when there’s no money in the bank, and still respect and honour me?”


You think if only you were married to her, life would be pure bliss. Sorry sir; just sharing a home with her will burst your bubble. You’ll quickly be disillusioned to find that a life lived in tandem with her is a different ballgame from your perfect little world of dates, phone calls and BBM chats. You’ll be shocked by how divergent your life goals are; you’ll be dismayed by how easily irritated she can be. I could go and on, but the bottom line is, you will miss your wife.

You may not realise now what a buffer she is on your life’s journey, nor remember what an inspiration she was when you first fell in love with her and how she saw all that was good in you. All you can see is what you wish she was- namely, all the wonderful things That Girl is. You are not alone.

One of the themes in Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married is what he calls the 80-20 rule. It is based on the premise that on the average, you only get 80 percent of what you want in a mate, and that’s it. Here, the allure of The Other Woman is encapsulated thus; “20 percent looks really good when you don’t have it.”

My friend, grow up. Open your eyes and rein in your lust and emotions. Don’t even think about hanging around That Girl trying to be “just friends”, she really isn’t your friend and you know you will get sucked in. Don’t throw away your 80 percent for 20; that is, and forever will be, a dumb move. I can already picture you standing there holding your once glittering 20 percent, and longing for the 80 percent that you traded in. You look pitiful.

Love, Joy.



Brunch with a Sorceress

Let me start by stating that I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. My values and decisions are shaped by the Bible. If you already knew or guessed this, then you’re probably wondering why I would be hanging out with a mistress of dark arts. We’ll come to that in a bit.

In case you’re thinking perhaps I’m referring to a good witch, let me also state that I do not believe in the existence of any such thing; which is why I will never see any Harry Potter film.  There is only the power of Jehovah God, and Satan’s evil power.  It’s either the one, or the other. Conversations with friends who think I’m overreacting usually go along these lines.

Me: Where does Harry Potter’s power come from?  Is it the power of God, the power that raised Jesus from the dead?

Them: No nooow, Jooooy…

Me: Discussion closed, then.

So, the sorceress… What if I told you she was beautiful, smart, and articulate, and told me wonderful things about myself, my strengths, my sweetness and light? That, skilled in secret arts, she offered to tell me what would happen to me next week, next year, and how things would work out if I dated this guy or that, and I spent time with her just to learn about myself, and my future. Would that be okay? I suppose not.

Yet, that’s basically what I was doing each time I celebrated being a Libra. Twitter handles, and pretty, well-designed websites provide loads of information about how graceful, just, diplomatic, intelligent and simply irresistible I am because I was born a Libra.

Dictionary.com defines “Horoscope”:


1. a diagram of the heavens, showing the relative position of planets and the signs of the zodiac, for use in calculating births, foretelling events in a person’s life, etc.

2. a prediction of future events or advice for future behavior based on such a diagram.

Somehow, (and it still beats me how, considering the way I am) I never asked, “How do they know these things?” The answer to that question is not even hidden.

According to Wikipedia, the Horoscope “is used as a method of divination regarding events relating to the point in time it represents, and it forms the basis of the horoscopic traditions of astrology.”

What is divination? Divination (from Latin divinare “to foresee, to be inspired by a god) is the attempt to gain insight into a question or situation by way of an occultic, standardized process or ritual.

What does God say about divination? Deuteronomy 18:10-12 says,

10 There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer 11 or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, 12 for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord.


I see now that astrology can NEVER be harmless fun; it is evil nicely packaged.

This injunction captures God’s position best:

“All forms of divination are to be rejected: recourse to Satan or demons, conjuring up the dead or other practices falsely supposed to “unveil” the future. Consulting horoscopes, astrology, palm reading, interpretation of omens and lots, the phenomena of clairvoyance, and recourse to mediums all conceal a desire for power over time, history, and, in the last analysis, other human beings, as well as a wish to conciliate hidden powers. They contradict the honor, respect, and loving fear that we owe to God alone.”

God has promised that if we separate ourselves from this world, He will receive us as our dad, and we will be His sons and daughters.

2 Cor 7:1- Because we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that can defile our body or spirit. And let us work toward complete holiness because we fear God.

I pray you recognize the horoscope and zodiac signs for what they are; divination- an abomination before Almighty God. And I hope they will hold as little appeal for you as brunch with a sorceress would.