21 Questions for Joy Ehonwa, Writer and Editor

I’m always interviewing people; it was nice being on the other side this time 🙂

I shared about how I started my writing and editing career, life in the freelance world, what I’ve learnt along the way, and more, in this interview with Afoma Umesi. Enjoy!

Published Articles

Why It’s a Good Thing That Buhari Won

I usually write on relationships so I’m sure you’re wondering what that has got to do with His Excellency.

Kenneth has been toasting my friend Lillian for over three years now. They started out as friends, during which time he made it clear that she wasn’t his type (she’s a nerd), so you can imagine her surprise and mine when, after a period of consoling him through a painful breakup, he revealed he was in love with her. He asked her out, she said no, and he refused to take no for an answer. He said he would keep asking her until she said yes, because he believed they were destined to marry.

We didn’t take him seriously, but weeks rolled into months and soon a year had passed, and then two years. He was still asking and she was still saying no. Why? First off she felt no attraction beyond friendship. Secondly, she didn’t like the idea of dating or marrying a younger man. Thirdly, he didn’t have the qualities she considered most important in a husband. She knows nobody is perfect, and that we must all identify things we can give up and those we can’t compromise on. Unfortunately, with Kenneth, it’s an abundance of the things she can’t stand and just a couple of the qualities she desires in her life partner.

This is the fourth year, and neither of them has been in a relationship in this time, just several dates that have led nowhere. The thing tire everybody, no be small. Over the years we’ve wondered, what’s the worst that could happen if she says yes? She keeps telling him that a relationship between them won’t work, and he keeps saying they can’t know that unless they try. However, she’s unwilling to try because she’s convinced it will end badly and they’ll lose their friendship altogether. According to her, she would hate to be one of the girls that broke his heart. She’s even come around regarding the age difference, but she’s really not feeling this guy beyond friendship level. I mean, she can’t even stand the thought of him kissing her!

Recently, I thought maybe she should say yes, and date him. Not because she’s in her 30s and time isn’t on her side biologically, but because there’s a tendency to wonder, years later when something or the other happens, how life would have turned out if she had said yes. And as is usual in such wonderings, there’s a tendency to think that perhaps life would have been much better if she had focused on his good qualities and ignored the rest.

After all, Buhari’s persistence worked for him. He toasted Nigeria for so long that she thought you know what, it’s not like there are other viable options, so let me say yes. And once she made that decision, it was easy for Nigeria to see how wonderful he was, and how he was her Messiah, just what she needed, the solution to all her problems. Others expressed doubt; tribalism, dictatorial tendencies, age and health…none of that mattered. He had been persistently proposing for a long time and that’s a sign of a man who knows what he wants and has a solid plan to make his woman happy. He deserved a chance. Besides, he had zero tolerance for corruption and wasn’t that just wonderful? But what about the fact that he’s obviously out of touch with modern day realities? Nigeria put her fingers in her ears. “Abeg don’t worry, he will learn. Nobody is perfect. Besides, what other options do I have?” And so the wedding took place. And it’s good that it did.

Can you picture Nigeria if he hadn’t won? Any negative event would have elicited shouts of “When we said vote Buhari, you people said no. See it now?!” Bomb blasts and massacres? “SMH. If you people had listened and voted Buhari, all these things would have been a thing of the past. He would have crushed them.” We wouldn’t have heard word, honestly. Forever and ever the matter of if Buhari had become president would never have ended.

Our children’s children would have been told stories of how we missed the opportunity to have had the president that would have turned this great ship called Nigeria in the right direction and set us on the path to peace and prosperity forever.

Now, make we hear word . Eye don clear. Everybody body don come down. Now, we won’t have to wonder; we know. And in my book, that’s a good thing.

So, don’t you think Lillian too should know for sure?


This article was first published on


Published Articles

Is Your Feminism Ruining Your Marriage?

I want to talk about YOUR feminism, because it is very likely that you are the designer of that thing you’re touting as feminism.

Women still earn less than men in many parts of the world even when they are as qualified as, or even more qualified than their male counterparts. Many women still have their clitorises cut off as babies because God forbid that a woman should enjoy sex.

A girl child misbehaves? She must be disciplined and taught a lesson so that she won’t go and disgrace the family when she gets to her husband’s house. A boy child misbehaves? Ah, you know boys will be boys…

Read more…

Family Life, Published Articles

Is More Sex What Your Marriage Needs?

Husband is stingy? More sex will open his hand. Husband won’t get off his behind and pull his weight financially? There’s nothing like more sex to motivate and transform a man! Husband is beating you? Satisfy him sexually; men don’t beat women who satisfy them sexually. Husband is cheating? Have more sex with him, learn different styles and tricks – this will save your marriage. Don’t you just wish? Continue reading…

Family Life, Published Articles

What’s Good About Being Married?

I decided to write this because, not every time stories that touch, sometimes the brighter side!

Marriage is beautiful. You don’t have to take my word for it. I went around asking other wives — Christian, Muslim, and non-religious — what they love about being married and they said a lot! Here are some of the things they love about being married.

Family Life, Published Articles

Extravagant Love

Am I the only one who wonders wetin Chrissy Teigen give John Legend chop? What kind of love does a person give to have a song like All of Me written about them, ehn?

The thing about seeing lovers who are hooked on each other and have a fabulous relationship is that it usually looks effortless. The same goes for straight-A students, chart-topping artistes and just about any successful person you can think of. In fact, they often look like they’re just having fun. However, if you’re good at anything at all, you know it takes effort. To have a good marriage, you need to put in the work, but what about a great marriage? Read more…

Family Life, Published Articles

Too Much Togetherness Can Kill Your Marriage

Is your spouse your only source of love and comfort? That’s not intimacy, that’s too much responsibility to place on one person. I often say, if you don’t know how to make yourself happy, don’t marry. You should know your happy place and be able to pick yourself up.

If you’re still single, please stop waiting for someone to come and complete you. Be whole, learn how to nourish yourself, and build a robust, satisfying life. Read more…

Published Articles

Does He Love You, or the Idea of You?

Does he love you, or the idea of you?

You need to know, seriously. The only thing worse than a man who lies about being in love with you when he’s not, is a man who sincerely thinks he’s in love with you but is not. Bad news, baby! E go do “the two both of una” like film trick!

I remember one time, over a decade ago, when my BFF was hotly pursued by this really great guy… read more

Family Life, Published Articles

The Secret to a Happy Marriage Surprised Me!

When I saw an article titled “The Secret to Lasting Marriages”, I had a couple of ideas what the secret would be. It’s only my 5th year in marriage, but every day teaches you a thing or two.

They could say communication, for instance. Or money. Or sex! But the answer was something I wasn’t expecting. Read more…

Family Life, Spirituality

How Can I Tell if I’m Marrying the Right Person?

In response to my article last week about marrying the wrong person, many readers asked, how can I know the right person? So this week, in addition to reiterating some of the important things we hear at good marriage seminars, I also I decided to share the ONE thing I believe is the key to a truly satisfying marriage that isn’t defined by pounding yam and washing boxers.

You can read my response here.