Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-to-Be

 

 

There are many things that people don’t have the heart to tell the bride, but I believe she should know these things.

If you agree, then you will enjoy reading Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be.

I believe this collection of 50 heartfelt letters to 50 unique women, married and single, is timely and essential; especially for young Christian women today who hope to become wives, or just did.

I address the priority of choosing the right man: Is there such a thing as marrying the wrong person? Do you have any concrete reason for holding on to this relationship apart from the time you’ve already spent which you don’t want to go down the drain? Is he in love with you, or with the idea of you? Are you ignoring red flags or assuming you can “manage”? Does he handle life well?

I discuss the importance of becoming the right woman: Are there bad habits you need to deal with before becoming a wife? Are you comfortable in your own sexuality and knowledgeable about sex? Are you open and honest about your expectations? Have you bought into any marriage myths that are simply not true? Should you take your ex back?

Also, I talk about doing what is necessary to make love last, and knowing when to leave: Why does love fade in marriage? What does it mean to be happily married? What can we do to reduce the risk of divorce? Why do women stay in abusive marriages? How can we avoid being torn apart by money, or the lack of it?

As I wrote in Dear Elona: Letters to My Friends, the Brides and Brides-To-Be, “There are no guarantees to this marriage thing. But there’s no denying that it is best entered into with eyes wide open.”

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Let’s Talk About the Wife Who Wasn’t Loved

Do you know what it feels like to be married to a man who doesn’t love you? Maybe you do. Maybe your marriage is the result of parental matchmaking gone wrong. Or maybe you were just dating and getting to know each other and you fell pregnant. Now you’ve “trapped” him with pregnancy and he believes he would not have gone to the altar with you otherwise. Or maybe he did marry you willingly, but only because he couldn’t get the woman he really wanted. Whatever may have happened, you’re in a marriage with a man who doesn’t love you, and probably loves someone else.

Or maybe, you’re not yet married and are considering marrying a man who doesn’t love you — for money, security, babies, or whatever reason. Let’s look at a few things Leah came to know only too well.

Marriage: 10 Things We Know We Should Be Doing, But Aren’t

What you know may not matter much if you aren’t applying it. You might as well not have that knowledge at all. When it comes to marriage, there are things we know we should do, but life and laziness get in the way.

I’m Too Lazy to Have a Fantastic Marriage

Yes, I’m too lazy. I don’t have the energy and this is why my marriage is “good”. Sure, there are people with great marriages but those ones have two heads, you just can’t see the other one with your physical eyes. Someone once likened a great marriage to ducks swimming, smooth and effortless on top when underneath they’re actually paddling like crazy!

Think about the most successful students, musicians, or athletes you know. You see them when they excel and receive awards and accolades. They’re always looking awesome and pumping their fists, and you’re never thinking of the nights spend studying while others were sleeping, the hours spent rehearsing, writing and recording, or the disciplined training and achy muscles.

It all just looks fun and exciting, pretty much the way genuinely happy and fulfilled couples look.  

Should You Compare Your Marriage?

If there’s anything I know to be true, it’s this: comparing your marriage to someone else’s is foolish.

I remember one day 10 years ago when I saw a couple I knew looking and acting sweet as usual, in their matching t-shirts and sneakers, and whispered a prayer to God about wanting my future marriage to be like theirs. A prayer that God, in His infinite mercy and wisdom, did not answer. I was shocked to realise later just how much pain and suffering lay underneath the façade, and even as I prayed for their healing and restoration, I retracted my previous prayer. Never again!

Today, after being married for a few years and having been thrust into “married circles” almost from day one, I know for a fact that no matter how close you think you are to a couple, it’s never a good idea compare your marriage to theirs; not just because of the dangers of comparison, but also because you simply do not know what their marriage is actually like.

From where you stand their marriage may appear sexier, more interesting, more modern, even more spirituality intimate than your own. Continue reading…

Why Do Some Women Marry Without Physical Attraction?

It’s true that marriage isn’t all about sex, but sex is a huge part of it. And yes, it’s important to marry a nice, kind, decent man, but why would you marry him if you feel no physical attraction?

It turns out there are many reasons why people make that decision. I’ve been asking people who have found themselves in marriages without physical passion, and this is what they had to say.

Sex: Consent is Not Just a Word

In the original classic Sleeping Beauty, the prince does not wake the sleeping girl up with a kiss. He comes upon her and, unable to resist her beauty, has sex with her, leaving her pregnant with twins. Yep, he rapes her in her sleep.

Of course Disney recognizes this as a horrible narrative, so that doesn’t happen in their 1959 animation film Sleeping Beauty. Read more…

What Do People Mean When They Say Marriage is Work?

It has come to my notice that single people who intend to get married have been hearing “marriage is work” for ages and yet they’re not exactly sure what the “work” is. And they’re sick of it.

I’ve decided to share a few things about what constitutes this “work” based on my experience and the experiences of people I’ve talked with about marriage over the years. Read more…

10 Things You Probably Didn’t Know about Sleep

A few weeks ago, someone I follow on Twitter said something about how not sleeping enough leads to weight gain and that piqued my curiosity. Although she could not explain the science behind it, she mentioned “leptin” and I tucked it at the back of my mind. As soon as I got the chance, I started reading up on sleep, and here are a few of the many things I learnt.

6 Ways To Keep Your Wife Hooked On You

There are so many men out there just waiting for an opportunity to give your woman all she’s missing, but you need her to have eyes for only you, the king of her heart.

If you’ve noticed that your wife no longer really cares or cannot even be bothered to fight with you, you need to sit up; the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

Here are 6 things you can do to turn her heart back to you and keep it locked on you alone. Read more…