Let’s Talk About the Wife Who Wasn’t Loved

Do you know what it feels like to be married to a man who doesn’t love you? Maybe you do. Maybe your marriage is the result of parental matchmaking gone wrong. Or maybe you were just dating and getting to know each other and you fell pregnant. Now you’ve “trapped” him with pregnancy and he believes he would not have gone to the altar with you otherwise. Or maybe he did marry you willingly, but only because he couldn’t get the woman he really wanted. Whatever may have happened, you’re in a marriage with a man who doesn’t love you, and probably loves someone else.

Or maybe, you’re not yet married and are considering marrying a man who doesn’t love you — for money, security, babies, or whatever reason. Let’s look at a few things Leah came to know only too well.

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I’m Too Lazy to Have a Fantastic Marriage

Yes, I’m too lazy. I don’t have the energy and this is why my marriage is “good”. Sure, there are people with great marriages but those ones have two heads, you just can’t see the other one with your physical eyes. Someone once likened a great marriage to ducks swimming, smooth and effortless on top when underneath they’re actually paddling like crazy!

Think about the most successful students, musicians, or athletes you know. You see them when they excel and receive awards and accolades. They’re always looking awesome and pumping their fists, and you’re never thinking of the nights spend studying while others were sleeping, the hours spent rehearsing, writing and recording, or the disciplined training and achy muscles.

It all just looks fun and exciting, pretty much the way genuinely happy and fulfilled couples look.  

Should You Compare Your Marriage?

If there’s anything I know to be true, it’s this: comparing your marriage to someone else’s is foolish.

I remember one day 10 years when I saw a couple I knew looking and acting sweet as usual, in their matching t-shirts and sneakers, and whispered a prayer to God about wanting my future marriage to be like theirs. A prayer that God, in His infinite mercy and wisdom, did not answer. I was shocked to realise later just how much pain and suffering lay underneath the façade, and even as I prayed for their healing and restoration, I retracted my previous prayer. Never again!

Today, after being married for a few years and having been thrust into “married circles” almost from day one, I know for a fact that no matter how close you think you are to a couple, it’s never a good idea compare your marriage to theirs; not just because of the dangers of comparison, but also because you simply do not know what their marriage is actually like.

From where you stand their marriage may appear sexier, more interesting, more modern, even more spirituality intimate than your own. Continue reading…

Why Do Some Women Marry Without Physical Attraction?

It’s true that marriage isn’t all about sex, but sex is a huge part of it. And yes, it’s important to marry a nice, kind, decent man, but why would you marry him if you feel no physical attraction?

It turns out there are many reasons why people make that decision. I’ve been asking people who have found themselves in marriages without physical passion, and this is what they had to say.

Sex: Consent is Not Just a Word

In the original classic Sleeping Beauty, the prince does not wake the sleeping girl up with a kiss. He comes upon her and, unable to resist her beauty, has sex with her, leaving her pregnant with twins. Yep, he rapes her in her sleep.

Of course Disney recognizes this as a horrible narrative, so that doesn’t happen in their 1959 animation film Sleeping Beauty. Read more…