Why Should It Matter How I Dress?

Should I wear my hair in a ponytail?
Should I dress myself up in Chanel?
Do I measure me by what you think?
Absolutely not, absolutely not!

If I go to work in a mini-skirt
Am I givin’ you the right to flirt?
I won’t compromise my point of view
Absolutely not, absolutely not!

I used to sing this song as a teenager; I loved the beat and I loved the attitude!

Why did people always like to get people to conform to their own ideals? How was it my business if men got turned on by what I wore? So what if the ‘V’ of my jeans drew attention to my crotch or my skirt drew eyes to my derriere? Wasn’t it up to them to control themselves?

Then one day, instead of listening with my ears, I listened with my heart. And as I communed with the Holy Spirit, I realised that for me, it wasn’t really about being controlled by the views of others, but by what the Scriptures say. And what does the Bible say?

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.

Selah. Pause, and calmly think of that.

Over a decade later, I’m thinking about what modest apparel means for me today not just as a woman but also as a wife who will by God’s grace be raising a daughter  for His glory; because it is what pleases Him that matters.

I would like to know your thoughts too.

 

Joysuo: Can The Marriage Bed Be Defiled?

Last week a friend sent this article to my Facebook inbox,  Nigerian Pastor in the UK warns Married Couples – “Missionary” is the Only Holy Sexual Act, and a few days later a sister shared the video in a private FB group I’m part of. We had a robust and enlightening discussion that was an incredible blessing, in spite of the differences in opinion. I was especially reminded of the importance of examining the origins of everything we do instead of just jumping on the bandwagon or going with the flow.

Now, I am not unfamiliar with the notion that some sexual positions are considered sinful in marriage. I am not even talking about oral sex here, which many Christians recoil from in disgust, or anal sex which most will denounce without batting an eyelid. I am talking about people who believe that even in the simple natural act of a husband penetrating his wife’s vagina, it matters in what position they do it.

Growing up, I read about Lilith. According to midrashic literature, Adam’s first wife was not Eve but a woman named Lilith, who was created in the first Genesis account.

It was after Lilith rebelled that God created Eve. What fascinated me as I researched Lilith was her offence; she refused to allow Adam be on top of her when they were to have sex, as she considered herself his equal. She wanted to be on top, “in defiance of male superiority.” Even as a teenager I knew enough to throw this unbiblical story in the dustbin of course, but I never forgot the interpretation that was given to the woman-on-top sexual position; defiance of her husband’s dominance. Understanding that some people reason this way would prove crucial; I wasn’t shocked to hear this pastor bash this position, or to find that some believers shared his view. And of course there is the “doggy style” which the sister who shared the video with us told us is defined thus online: “sex after the manner of beasts.”

Many have asked, what about during pregnancy? Apart from the big belly standing in the way of the man on top position, anyone who has ever been pregnant or had a pregnant wife knows that a pregnant woman should avoid lying on her back. What to do? The answer is not blowing in the wind.

I had wondered how I was going to settle down and answer in detail all the questions that have been asked of me since that video came out (by the wives on my BBM group, Wise Wives, especially) but as God would have it, Marriage Missions published an article that expressed all my heart on the issue. I am grateful to the Holy Spirit.

The summary of my position is that we must cherish and not abuse the liberty we have in Christ. The marriage bed CAN indeed be defiled, and we must be careful to glorify God in all that we do, including married sex. (1 Cor 10:31)

What and what can defile the marriage bed? Do read the article, and let me know your thoughts- What Is Not Okay In Bed?

Peace!

Joysuo: Have You Let Yourself Go After Marriage?

If you had asked me last week, I would have said no, I haven’t let myself go. Letting oneself go means wearing a hairnet, getting fat, or walking around the house tying wrapa, right?

I recently realised I have indeed let myself go when I remembered something my big bro Harris said in his book, From Friend to Fiancee. He explained that what it takes to attract a man or woman is the least it will take to keep them. Now, I don’t believe in “keeping a partner” in the general sense of the phrase, but I do believe in attraction, and the need to sustain it.

When it comes to letting yourself go, “yourself” goes beyond just your body.

You may not be wearing a hairnet or sporting a face smothered with “Shelley” every evening, but ask yourself, are you the woman he fell in love with?

Husbands are not exempt either. Do you still pay attention to your appearance? Do you still get her thoughtful gifts? Send her sweet texts? Call her just to hear her voice? Have her sit in your lap?

I’ll be the first to admit that running a home and caring for children takes a toll, and it can be hard to stay looking like eye candy.

So, what can we do? I’ve decided to draw a picture of the woman I used to be, and take it a little at a time.

I need to come up with a plan to keep my hair looking nice always (this afro isn’t scoring me points with hubby). Pedicured feet. Polished nails.

I need to take my rest seriously so that I’m happy, not cranky. To spend more time with God so that I exude positive energy, salt and light. To watch my speech and make sure I’m full of encouraging, uplifting words.

Because, that’s the woman he married.

What will you do to get “yourself” back? Do leave a comment!

Africa’s Biggest e-Business Fair to Hold Feb 21st, 2015

 

Connect Nigeria is pleased to announce that its second annual e-Business Fair will hold on February 21st 2015 at Eko Hotel, Victoria Island, Lagos.

In 2013, over 2,000 people turned up for the e-Business Fair and learnt about e-Business as well as necessary skills they needed to develop in order to take their businesses to the next level.

Leading organisations, including Union Bank, MasterCard, Etisalat, Microsoft and Google will be sponsoring the event.

With this year’s theme being ‘e-Business and The Growth of Your Enterprise’, it is anticipated to be Africa’s biggest e- Business Fair. Terragon Group, FirstMonie, Skye Bank, Heritage Bank, JMG and Leatherworld will also be sponsoring the event, and some representatives from each organisation will be speaking on the day.

Speakers also include representatives from Tranzit.ng, Hotels.ng, Jovago, Supermart.ng and many others.

There will be raffle draws, and prizes such as iPhones, laptops, and other useful gadgets to help and support your business will be distributed.

Last year, several lucky attendees won various tech-related prizes and this year promises many more.  Expecting double the number of people this year, Connect Nigeria assures you that this is an event that you don’t want to miss.

Don’t miss out on Africa’s biggest business fair.

Registration is free and can be done at www.connectnigeria.com/bizfair.

See more here.